当命运对我说“不行”

"Please let my son be normal!"
“请让我的儿子恢复正常吧！”
I was a young Father.
那时我初为人父
My first born son had been diagnosed with Autism two years earlier.
两年前，我的第一个儿子被诊断出患有自闭症
His speech wasn't developing right.
他的表达能力没有按照正常的规律发育
He had many repetitive behaviors.
他有很多刻板重复的行为
Often he would cry for a long time for no reason.
时常他会无缘无故的大哭很久
My daughter
而我的女儿
who had been born two years after him
比他晚两年出生
was developing normally,
发育却很正常
out-pacing her brother.
发育水平已经超过了她的哥哥
My wife had been content with just the two of them
我的妻子对这两个孩子感到心满意足
but I'd wanted another son.
但我一直想要再生一个儿子
I wanted a normal son.
我想要一个正常的儿子
My ego wanted a son who would be just like me
我卑劣的希望有一个儿子，他和我一样
and carry on the family name.
能够延续香火
The doctors at the time had assured us that
当时的医生笃定的告诉我们
the chances were one in ten thousand
只有万分之一的几率
that we would have another child with Autism.
我们会再生一个自闭症的孩子
Still, a part of me was afraid.
可是，一部分的我还是心存恐惧
When we discovered then that
后来，当我们发现
my wife was pregnant with a boy again,
我的妻子又怀了一个男孩的时候
I remember saying this,
我记得自己曾这样哀求
over and over and over.
一遍一遍又一遍的重复
As my third born child grew up,
当我的三儿子逐渐长大
however,
事与愿违
it soon became clear that
我们很快发现
the doctors had been wrong.
医生们的话错了
It soon became clear that
很快事情就很清楚了
he had an even more extreme form of Autism
他的自闭症十分严重
than his older brother had.
比他的哥哥更甚
While his brother had eventually learned to talk,
当他的哥哥最终学会言谈
read,
阅读
and learn
学习的时候
my youngest son could say only a few words.
我最小的儿子只能说出寥寥几个词
His Autistic behaviors were much more severe.
他的自闭症病状更加严重
He had many crying fits
他会时常大哭
and would hit himself.
还会打自己
He tore things up
他会把东西撕碎
and broke things.
还会打碎东西
He had trouble relating to us
他与我们交流十分困难
and was mainly lost in his own world.
大部分时间都沉浸在自己的世界里
Life had said, "No" to my prayer.
命运对我的祈求说了“不行”
The journey that followed
之后的生活轨迹
has been a long and difficult one
变得漫长而艰辛
for my sons, my daughter,
对我的两个儿子，我的女儿
their mother, and myself.
三个孩子的母亲，和我自己都是如此
It still goes on today.
今天这旅程仍在继续
It has been full of stress and pain
这旅途中充满压力和苦痛
but also learning and growth.
但也有学习和成长
It forced all of us down a path
它让我们不得不走向一条道路
we didn't want to go,
一条我们本不愿意走的路
but it was a path that led us all to greater love,
但这条路让我们学会了更爱彼此
faith, and kindness.
学会信任，学会仁慈
In the end
最后
my two boys became my greatest teachers
我的两个儿子都成为了我最好的老师
on how to live
教会我如何生活
and how to love.
如何去爱
My oldest son now is a fountain of kindness
我的大儿子如今已然是善意的源泉
who gives out hugs easily
他会十分轻易的给予拥抱
and happily.
并且乐此不疲
His younger brother still doesn't speak much
他的弟弟并不怎么说话
but has a laughter and innate joy
当他笑起来的时候，总透出内在的喜悦
that brightens my soul
那笑容照亮我的灵魂
each and every day of my life.
每一次，在我生活中的每一天都是如此
I often think that
我时常想到
if I could one day
如果有一天我也能够
learn my oldest son's love
像我的大儿子那样去爱
and my youngest son's joy
像我的小儿子那样去喜悦
that I would know
我就会了解
how the happiest man in the world feel.
世界上最幸福的人是如何想的
I am no longer mad at my life
我不再对命运心存怨恨
either for saying, "No" to my prayer.
即便命运曾对我的祈求说“不行”
If He had said "Yes"
如果他曾说“好的”
I would never have become the person I am today.
我就不会变成今天的我这样的人了
I wouldn't be writing this right now.
此刻我就不会写着这篇文章了
I wouldn't be trying so hard to remind my readers
我也不会如此执意的提醒我的读者们
of just how lucky we all are.
我们是多么幸运啊
Sometimes
有时
life says "No" to something we ask for
生活对我们所求的某事说“不行”
in order to give us something much better.
是为了给予我们某种更好的东西
Sometimes
有时
we don't know why
我们不知道
some of our wishes are answered
为什么自己的有些愿望能够实现
while others aren't.
另一些却不行
All I know is that we are all loved.
我唯一知道的是，我们都被爱着
Life has a plan for us all.
生活早已为我们所有人都做出了妥善的安排
And sometimes
所以，有时
we just have to trust
我们只需要去相信
even if we don't know the answers.
就算自己不知道答案
Live your life with love then.
带着爱意去过自己的生活吧
Trust in life
相信生活
to lead you down the path
它会引领你一路走下去
you are meant to go.
走向注定的方向