父母皆祸害? 都是代沟惹的祸

“父母皆祸害”，这是一个拥有近7000名成员网络讨论小组的惊悚名字，“祸害”，80后子女形容50后父母。这里一个时代与另一个时代对峙，代沟是一种传染每一代人的病毒。50后与80后，这两代人分别出生、成长、思想定型于1949年以降中国社会所经历的、前后两个完全断裂的30年。裂缝之间，激荡着左与右的博弈，退与进的拉锯，集体与个人的冲突，物质与精神的失衡，经济基础与上层社会的位移……他们成了不以个人意志为转移、既亲近又最疏远的父与子、母与女。

It takes at least 18 years' efforts for parents to raise a child, but what if the child says "parents are poison" when they grow up?

"I feel sad about their way of commenting on parents. We can not accept that as parents."

"Chinese parents usually strongly hope their child will have a bright future. So they often ignore the trivial behavior and feelings of their child. But to get along with children, the more strict you are, the more likely he will not listen to you."

The Anti-parents group on the online community douban.com has been enlarging. More and more 80s or 90s generation are posting their resentment of parents on the forum. Zhang Kun is the administrator of the group.

"Because I recognized the name of the group of this online forum was taken from a book I translated. So I kind of relating myself to the group. No one is perfect, no parents are perfect. Parents are no Gods. Of course you can point out the mistakes. They do make mistakes. At least through this forum, I would tell all the other group members that it's absolutely fine to criticize your parents."

Zhang Kun believes this online forum becomes popular nowadays because China doesn't have a social support system, where these angry children can speak out or show their hurt.

"What's common about those douban users are they want to highlight individual thinking. This is more like a rebellious group against the traditional roles of parents."

When some people say those who criticize their parents are really a rebellious group, ageing professor Lin Chongde from Beijing Normal University says he likes young people who were born in the 80s and 90s.

"The 80s generation has its own personalities and characters; they are influenced by the reform and opening up of China. I think most of the 80s girls and boys are very positive. They are different from the older generation, as they pay more attention to the quality of life, their own interest; and they are highly aware of their own rights and dignity. They hate authoritarianism and rules."

He says although the different characteristics of the 80s students have brought more possibilities in that they have a different opinion to their parents, they love their country and they can take responsibilities.

This can be proved by the fact that during the Beijing Olympic Games and the Shanghai World Expo, most of the volunteers are the 80s or 90s generation. And after the deadly earthquake in Wenchuan, many college students who are also from the 80s generation came to the quake-hit areas to help those victims.

Professor Lin suggests parents see the advantages of a child and educate the child in line with his or her personality, rather than overindulging the child; encourage them more, but it doesn't mean parents should not criticize their child. Parents should help their child analyze the situation, give advice, and - most importantly - give enough respect to the child.

For CRI, I am Zhang Wan.