青春恋曲:你的初恋谁作主?

初恋往往是心底里最纯最美的情愫，也许日后回忆起来，觉得当时的自己或幼稚或天真或单纯。当然在与初恋情人的微妙关系中父母的态度也是不容忽视的，往往决定着这青涩爱情的结局，到底是趋于成熟还是中途夭折。今天我们来看看大师给父母们支的招。

For the majority of Chinese parents, dating is off-limits to their kids until after high school graduation. Parents generally have two concerns - one being that their children are not yet mature enough to handle dating, the other being the worry that dating could distract their kids from their studies. Although this is still a point of contention for parents, they should still provide some guidance to their kids, especially before and during puberty. So, how can parents correctly address these issues with their children?

Let's categorize the issue by the kid's age.

1) From 9 to 12 years old —— Mary's son is about this age.

M: What? My son has a crush on some girl? I can tell you, that's not possible. He is absolutely not interested in girls. He never plays with them or even speaks to them. There is no way that he likes one of them. He's only 10! It's still too early to talk about that.

Guan Xi Who's suggestion: Children aged between 9 to 12 years old are very sensitive to gender differences. They can feel shy and uncomfortable around their peers of the opposite sex. Parents should encourage them to carry themselves with confidence.

2) From 12 to 14 years old —— Lily is concerned about her daughter.

L: Yesterday I bought her two dresses, but she said they were ugly and that she didn't want to wear them. I found it strange, as she never said such things before. And then I realized she has changed a lot recently. She never cared about her appearance before, but now I've noticed that she spends a lot of time in front of the mirror. She used to only play with other girls, but now she always talks about a boy in her class named Willy. Is this something I should be concerned about?

Guan Xi Who's suggestion: Teenagers aged between 12 and 14 years old are beginning to notice the opposite sex in a new way, but are not necessarily interested in a specific peer. Parents should help their children build self-esteem and teach them how to interact respectfully with the opposite sex.

3) From 14 to 16 years old —— Daisy's daughter just entered high school.

D: This is ridiculous. This morning I got a call from my daughter's teacher. He told me my daughter has fallen in love with a boy in her class. He said that my daughter stays in the classroom every day after school and does her homework with a male classmate. It's no wonder that she's been coming home after school much later than before. I just talked to her about this and she refused to admit that she likes this boy. She says that the only reason she did her homework with him was because his grades are better than hers and that he was just helping her study. I didn't buy that. I've already forbidden her to talk to that boy ever again.

Guan Xi Who's suggestion: It's normal for teenagers at this age to be attracted to the opposite sex. As long as this feeling doesn't negatively affect their studies or other aspects of their lives, parents don't need to interfere immediately.

4) From 16 to 18 years old —— Martin is angry at his son's behavior.

M: 上周五,我下班回家,走到家门口那就看到那混小子牵着一女孩的手.我当场就给了他一巴掌,然后揪回家关了两天禁闭.这周一,上学之前他和我保证的好好的,说今天和那女孩分手,结果当天晚上开始就没回过家.昨天给我打一电话,说要和他女朋友私奔.你说我怎么能养出这么个不争气的孩子?

Guan Xi Who's suggestion: If a teenager at this age has a crush or is in a relationship, it could potentially serve as huge distraction from school and other things. However, forbidding dating altogether rarely works, and often times merely sparks an increased interest in it. Parents should be on an equal footing with their kids and provide proper guidance and compromise.