老外如何理解中国人的"面子"问题

现如今，越来越多的老外在学习外语，除了一些字词的发音、多音多义字让老外头疼之外，还有一个一直困扰老外的问题：中国人的面子问题。如何与爱面子的中国人相处就考验他们对面子这门高深学问的研究和思考了……

In China, there are many unspoken rules. Do's and don'ts…And what you don't know…could even cause someone else to 'lose face.' It brings feelings of pride, embarrassment, humiliation, flattery and humility….

Thankfully, there are answers. Luo Weijia is a Chinese language and culture teacher at Beijing Hutong School. In her class, she teaches foreigners this complex component of Chinese culture.

"Face stands for reputation and position of a person. Also, I think it's very important in Chinese culture."

It sounds simple enough. After all, we try to maintain a sense of dignity in the West, too, don't we? No one wants to be humiliated. But it goes much deeper than that in China.

Fabrizio Franciosi from Rome, Italy has been living here for a year and is studying Chinese at Beijing Hutong School. He says that the social rules in Italian culture are more obvious, so he's more cautious here.

"China, it's really not the same. The rules are stricter, so you have to carefully follow some basic Chinese traditions."

In the West, culturally, we make fun of ourselves and maybe even other people. It's even OK to ridicule ourselves lightly in front of a group. This is not so much the case in China. In fact, it's possible to 'lose face' on your own entirely by accident.

Beijinger Liang Cheng has lived in the USA for many years and just returned for university here. Her Chinese friends can't understand why Westerners would lose face on purpose.

"Say, I'm American, and you're sitting next to a Chinese friend and then you hear something on the news for example about Americans doing something that, in your opinion, is really stupid. But to them, they don't know anything about the situation. And you say, 'Oh look at us, America is just going down the drain.' He would maybe look at you in a very strange way, you don't talk about this, and you don't talk about your own country in China. You don't joke like this."

Confronting people is also a delicate matter. Michael Cain from North Carolina arrived two years ago to study Chinese language and culture. Back then, his understanding was that "face" was somewhat related to ego. Through studying business practices in China, he's learned that good business has to respect these cultural norms.

"I would say that being a Westerner, we are much more direct. And in China, directness can actually lead to a loss of face for the locals. If you're a foreign manager and you have local workers, especially in front of someone else, especially being so direct, like, 'Why are you late? Why don't you do it in this manner?,' can cause a loss of face for a Chinese person, because it's like taking away their standing in front of their peers."

In the workplace, Luo Weijia explains that this is because what westerners consider group feedback could be viewed as public criticism in China. Likewise, people who want to save face may not like to admit mistakes. One of Luo's students is constantly frustrated by this issue.

"She's already been working here for three years and can normally get used to everything, so she can get along very well with her colleagues. But there is one problem she can't stand for. They can never admit they made a mistake, they pretend like nothing happened. So, that really annoys her."

Sometimes not understanding the rules may cause others to lose face at dinners and outings. Unfortunately, as Cain points out, sometimes it's hard to know exactly how to behave.

"I would say that I've had the experience of going out to dinner with a Chinese person, and they offer to pay, and you say, 'No, no,' but then they insist. And really, you're supposed to pay, but it kind of gets lost in who should be giving face to the other one. And I've caused those situations to happen, when I let them pay when I should have paid to give them face. And I've definitely taken someone to a place thinking it's the cool thing to do when it would have been better to take them to a Hong Kong restaurant that costs a load."

There are also rules in the classroom. By accident, foreigners questioning a teacher can cause him or her to lose face unintentionally. Luo teaches a small group of foreigners and adds that she is still learning to grasp this cultural difference.

"In China, we really, really, respect Chinese teachers, like when I was in high school or university, we'd never tell my teacher, 'I don't trust you or I don't think you are right; I don't agree with you.' But sometimes, in my class, we maybe talk about some problem and they correct my opinion or correct my mistake. So, I feel a little bit humiliated in front of my class. But I think it's very normal for foreigners to say, 'You are wrong, I have a different opinion.' But for Chinese, it's a little bit weird, so it's better to be careful about that."

This doesn't mean you have to walk around scared to offend the Chinese people all the time. After all, Luo says that foreigners aren't expected to know these rules all the time. Thankfully, most Chinese people will be much more forgiving even if they are a bit confused by your actions.

It's a different culture. So, many things get lost in translation. Or, in this case, lost in face.

For CRI, I'm Andrea Hunt.