疯狂英语珍藏版下载 13 Odd Medical Experiences 看病的另一番滋味

13 Odd Medical Experiences

Now is it just me, or are 1)chemists getting increasingly nosey? It’s ever since the government suggested that we consult our chemists for minor 2)ailments rather than troubling our doctors, who are all far too busy with their calculators 3)managing their funds. But as a result, chemists have all become 4)a bit big for their boots, if you’ll forgive the 5)pun. You go into your chemist’s for a bottle of aspirin, and instead of just giving them to you, they now say, “Why? What’s wrong?” They’re desperate to get you into that little back room they have now, where they can take your blood pressure and 6)poke around in your underwear. That chilling question when you ask for throat sweets, “Are these for you?” I always say, “No, they’re for my mother.” But what does the 7)bloke who develops your holiday 8)snaps know about 9)gynecological matters? Mind you if he develops my holiday snaps, at least he’ll know what he’s looking for. You can’t have a bloke 10)stumbling out of a dark room dripping 11)fixative fluids, and saying, “OK, Miss Brand, put your feet in the 12)stirrups, and let’s 13)see what develops.”

The other brand new medical breakthrough that I personally welcome, is the 14)advent of the drop-in medical centres that you can now see in train stations. You don’t have to make an appointment you just drop in and drop them. The 15)appeal of it is that the person you see doesn’t know who you are, so you are not likely to bump into him at the school 16)fete, and watch him refuse your homemade upside down cake 17)on the grounds of hygiene. The only problem with these drop-in centres at your local train station is that I am not absolutely convinced that the people you see are actually qualified doctors. The bloke I saw last time wore a blue cap, and tried to remove my verruca with a ticket 18)punch. If you go in and say, “I am 19)late.” They automatically blame leaves on the line of Didcock Parkway. Would you go for family planning advice to a 20)Virgin Train’s medical centre?

These drop-in centres have particularly shifty waiting rooms. All the blokes pretend to have a cough to 21)deflect suspicion, that it might be something more sinister. Blokes are just no good at going to the doctor, are they? They don’t see illness as a natural part of being alive, in the way that women do, that they see it as a form of weakness so they go in to see the doctor and say, “I’ve got this pain. Actually it’s much better today. In fact, I think it’s gone. Sorry to have troubled you, goodbye.” But it’s the doctor who has to say, “But you’ve got your leg in a carrier bag.” Women 22)make no bones about it-we give it to the doctor with both barrels. Women turn up with written accounts, dates, times, 23)Polaroid photos. That’s why 24)homeopaths make such a good living - it’s somewhere that woman can go and talk about herself for half an hour, without being interrupted by another woman talking about herself.

13 看病的另一番滋味

究竟是我还是药剂师变得越来越好管闲事了？政府曾建议我们，如果只患点小病找药剂师就好了，用不着去麻烦医生，因为他们正不停地忙着精打细算。但结果是药剂师一方面从中得到不少乐趣，另一方面，他们的生意也越来越好。请原谅我用这种双关语。你到药店去买瓶阿斯匹林，现在他们非但不给你，还要反问：“怎么了？你哪里不舒服？”他们极力把你弄进后面的小房间里，给你量个血压、在你身上戳戳点点的。你想买润喉糖，却要遭到冷冷的盘问：“是你要买？”我总说：“不是，是给我妈妈买的。”可是一个冲晒生活照的人能有什么妇科知识呢？如果他只是给我晒晒相，那他至少还知道自己在做什么。如果看见一个家伙手上滴着定影剂，磕磕绊绊地从照片冲洗暗室走出来，我可不想听他说：“好了，布兰德小姐，把你的两脚分开，让我检查一下，看是怎么一回事。”

另一种医疗新创举倒是很受我欢迎，也就是在火车站设立便利医护中心。你不必预约，进出自如。好处是诊病的医生和你互不相识，你不会在学校的喜庆聚会上撞见他，而且看着他以卫生原因作借口而不肯吃你的自制蛋糕。但这种设在本地车站的医护中心的唯一弊端是，你难以判断出诊的医生是否真正合格。上次给我看病的那家伙戴着顶蓝帽，想用剪票夹给我除疣。如果你走进去说：“我的经期来晚了。”他们马上就会把事情归咎于迪克沿线的落叶。那么，你还会去维珍火车医院寻求计划生育建议吗？

这些车站医护中心的候诊室特别不明亮。而所有去看病的男人都喜欢假装咳嗽来转移视线，来掩饰他们的病情。男人都不喜欢去看医生，对不对？与女人不一样，他们不承认疾病是生命的一个自然组成部分，男人则把生病当成是脆弱的表现，所以去看病的时候他们说：“我生病了。实际上今天好些了。其实我想我已经痊愈了。很抱歉打扰你，再见。”医生只好说：“可你的手提袋里还装着你的一条腿呢。”女人们却毫不犹豫地把一切告诉医生，而且她们看病的同时还带上账号、日期、时间、照片。所以顺势医疗师的生意异常红火，因为只有在那里，女人才可能花上半小时谈论她自己，而根本不用担心被另一个谈论自己的女人打扰。

1、chemist n. 药剂师

2、ailment n. 疾病（微恙）

3、managing their funds 在英国看病是免费的，但政府给医生的拔款又很少，医生不得不精打细算。

4、big for one’s boots 自大的，自负的。这是一句双关语，因为Boots还是英国最大的一家连锁药店。

5、pun n. 双关语，俏皮话

6、poke v. 戳

7、bloke n. 英国俚语，指小子，家伙，笨蛋。另外，在英国，药店也卖其它货物，还兼顾冲洗照片的业务。

8、snap n. 快照，快相

9、gynecological a. 妇产科的

10、stumbling a. 蹒跚的

11、fixative fluid （冲洗照片用的）定影剂

12、stirrup n. 指妇女在做妇科检查时放脚的地方。

13、see what develops 这是一句双关语。一层意思是看看检查的结果是什么，另一层意思与前面的冲洗照片(develop)相对应，因为这个人的本行是冲洗照片。

14、advent n. 出现，到来

15、appeal n. 吸引力

16、fete n. 盛会，游乐会

17、on the grounds of 因为

18、punch n. 打孔机

19、be late 可指迟到，在此处的意思是“怀孕”。

20、Virgin Train 维珍铁路公司。这是英国大集团维珍集团下属的一家公司，在英国的铁路网很大。

21、deflect v. 使偏移，使偏转

22、make no bones about sth 对……事情毫不犹豫

23、Polaroid n. 宝丽金快照照相机

24、homeopath n. 顺势疗法、类似医疗的医师