大学英语综合教程 学生用书 U04_tA

[00:00.00]The First Four Minutes
[00:04.10]When do people decide whether or not they want to become friends?
[00:10.74]During their first four minutes together,
[00:15.99]according to a book by Dr.Leonard Zunin.In his book,Contact.
[00:23.54]The First Four Minutes,he offers this advice
[00:29.39]to anyone interested in starting new friendships:
[00:35.34]"Every time you meet someone in a social situation,
[00:41.30]give him your undivided attention for four minutes.
[00:47.33]A lot of people's whole lives would change if they did just that."
[00:54.49]You may have noticed that the average person does not give
[01:00.76]his undivided attention to someone he has just met.
[01:06.80]He keeps looking over the other person's shoulder,
[01:11.65]as if hoping to find someone more interesting
[01:17.22]in another part of the room.
[01:21.06]If anyone has ever done this to you,
[01:25.63]you probaby did not like him very much.
[01:30.28]When we are introduced to new people,the author sugests,
[01:36.13]we should try to appear friendly and self-confident.
[01:41.67]In general,he says,"People like people who like themselves."
[01:48.20]On the other hand,we should not make the other person
[01:53.87]think we are too sure of ourselves.
[01:58.62]It is important to appear interested and sympathetic,
[02:04.26]realizing that the other person has his own needs,fears,and hopes.
[02:11.53]Hearing such advice,one might say,
[02:15.97]"But I'm not a friendly,self-confident person.
[02:20.93]That's not my nature.It would be dishonest for me to act that way."
[02:28.19]In reply,Dr.Zunin would claim that a little prattice
[02:34.04]can help us feel comfortable about changing our social habits.
[02:40.29]We can become accustomed to any changes we choose to make
[02:46.03]in our personality.
[02:49.38]"It's like getting used  to a new car.
[02:53.71]It may be unfamiliar at first,
[02:57.87]but it goes much better than the old one."
[03:02.10]But isn't it dishonest to give the appearance of friendly self-confidence
[03:09.36]when we don't actually feel that way?
[03:13.62]Perhaps,but according to Dr.Zunin,
[03:18.37]"total honesty"is not always good for social relationships.
[03:25.43]especially during the first few minutes of contact.
[03:30.89]There is a time for everything,and a certain a mount
[03:37.03]of playacting may be best
[03:41.00]for the first minutes of contact with a stanger.
[03:45.93]That is not the time to complain about one's health
[03:51.78]or to mention faults one finds in other people.
[03:57.04]It is not the time to tell whole truth
[04:02.08]about one's opinions and impressions.
[04:07.12]Much of what has been said about strangers
[04:12.66]also applies to relationships with family members and friends.
[04:20.02]For a husband and wife or a parent and child,
[04:25.35]problems often arise during their first four minutes together
[04:31.80]after and they have been apart.
[04:36.45]Dr.Zunin suggests that these first few minutes
[04:42.49]together be treated with care.
[04:46.54]If there are unpleasant matters to be discussed,
[04:52.18]the should be dealt with later.
[04:55.94]The author declares that interpersonal relations
[05:01.79]should be taught as a required coures in every school,
[05:07.64]along with reading,writing,and mathematics.
[05:13.21]In his opinion,success in life depends mainly
[05:19.56]on how we get along with other people.
[05:24.10]That is at least as important as how much we know.