国外大学的恶搞精神

There are few opportunities in life to fully explore your inner tool but College is one of them. So let us show you how to alienate people, cause offense and make everybody else's life miserable, by learning how to be a tool at college!

人生狂放能几时？然而大学却提供了这样的机会。让我来告诉你如何间离他人，制造事端甚至让别人痛不欲生吧！（全当娱乐，如实践那后果自负啊——）

Step 1: First Impressions 第一印象

First impressions are really important so make sure people realise you're a Tool right from the start. Be sure to go on and on about how great you're High School was, how 'spiritual' your Gap year was and how people think you look like a thin Elvis. Remember to go on about the life you left behind; your irreplaceable friends; your Nymphomaniac, gymnast girlfriend and the incredible nightlife back in Skokie. Monopolize the conversation and make sure that everyone around you knows what an interesting Fresher you are.

第一次与他人见面，尽管吹嘘你光辉的高中生涯。乱扯你那些无与伦比的朋友，你那练体操的女朋友和你惊艳的夜生活。

Step 2: Style 造型

Remember to confect lots of annoying characteristics like a flamboyant haircut, a risque piercing or a penchant for animal fur. Also, spurn other students who are genuinely different by talking behind their backs and spreading malicious gossip about them.

炫耀的发型、略带淫荡的耳洞，对皮衣的嗜爱。

Step 3: Be preachy and opinionated 说教和武断

Jump on whatever social bandwagon is popular at the moment. Make sure everybody knows your opinions so broadcast then loud and clear all the time. Accuse anyone who disagrees with you of being a fascist.OK, you are already looking like a bit of a Tool, now it's time to take it up a notch.

确保每个人对你的言论熟门熟路。

Step 4: Practical jokes 实际的笑话

You may think that bullying and belittling people ended with your schooldays. And for most people they did, but you're a Tool! So don't worry about it, as long as your pranks make you laugh then who cares! Poo in someone's kettle, destroy their family photo album and force them to wet the bed with the old fingers in water trick.

让恶作剧充斥你的生活吧！

Step 5: Communal living 社交生活

Never clean up after yourself in the kitchen, or bathroom. Steal food from the fridges, play horrible music very loud and very late. If anyone challenges your behaviour, repeat everything they say back at them in a baby voice. This will convince them, and everybody else that you are a complete, total, five star, no holds barred, TOOL.

放着嘈杂的音乐至深夜。如果有人对此感到不满，那就用娃娃音反驳他们。

Enjoy College Life!

好好享受大学生活吧！