雅思作文：应帮助当地社区还是国际组织？

　　Some people think we should provide help for the local communities. Othersthink we should give money and support to the national and internationalorganizations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

　　The developments of local communities and national internationalorganizations are important results caused by social improvement. Thus aheatedly discussed issue is that whether (两个连词引导一个从句，明显错误) we should help thelocal communities or provide money and support to the national and internationalorganizations (这句照抄了题目里的句子) . However in my opinion they are both necessary andcomplementary that we should not quit neither of them.

　　点评：2+1的模式，最后一句话正面表达了作者自己的观点。但是前两句话写得并不好，要么有错误，要么照抄了题目里的句子。

　　Local communities play an important role in our daily life. Meanwhile theycontribute a lot to the cultrual development. A unforgetable memory is that Ijoined a local league whose aim is to help the senior citizens in need when Iwas in high school. The group I belonged to was respected to help an old ladywho lived alone and in a poor health. Our regular visits made her didn't feellonely any longer.What's more,our activities jnflunced other citizens living inthe same community, 　 and they egan to help the old lady as well. A goodatmosphere formed. It's not difficult to imagine how terrible our life will bewithout local vommunities, those who need help may receive much less cocerns,and people's sense and awareness of helping each others whould fade away.

　　点评：这段有许多问题需要澄清一下：

　　1。段落中举例的问题。例证法是段落展开的常用方法，但是在雅思考试中不宜用太过冗长或描述很具体的例子，这样会显得段落太过繁琐的。以上就是明证，尽管作者企图用个具体的例子来证明自己的观点，但是效果并不好。由于，例子太长，犯了很多语言错误。

　　2 。单词拼写错误过多也会降分。

　　Some people hold the opinion that national and international oranizationshave nothing to do with us common people ，(这里需有个逗号) which I strongly disagreewith. The best example is the international children fund SOS. The organizationhave heop thousands of children who have no patent or home from differentplaces. Maybe some of them is not far from us. To many degrees, national andinternational organizations are the advanced form of local communities, theyhave the similar functions and effects.

　　点评：这段写的比较简洁，反而容易理解。

　　In other words, local communities and national and internationalorganizations are the two sides of a coin. We can begin with helping localcommunities, then, we can go on to support the national and internationalorganizations. ( 306words )

　　总评：作者还是对语言的掌握不够精确。