应试类写作的检查策略(一)
那么修改应注意哪些方面呢?从结构方面来说:(1)看一看中心思想是不是突出?文章中有论述和材料是否都围绕着这个中心思想展开?如发现个别句子或例子游离于中心思想之外,甚至与中心思想发生冲突,就应把它从文章中去掉。(2)看一看段与段之间,句与句之间是否连贯?衔接是否自然,或给人一种断裂、跳跃的感觉?如发现这种情况,就要加一个句子或一些词,或改变一下说法,以求文章的连贯。
但就修改来说,是主要还是放在语言上,即语法和词汇上。以下各例中,a)表示错误的或不宜提倡的句子,b)表示正确的或值得模仿的句子。
1.动词谓语的时态是否有错
例 1 a) We college students had enough time to take a parttime job, no matter how busy we were ...
b) We college students have enough time to take a parttime job, no matter how busy we are ...
命题作文一般都是议论文,而写议论文一般都是用现在时态。只有举例,提到过去的事才会用到过去时。
例 2 a) Riding bicycles had more advantages than taking a bus.
b) Riding bicycles had more advantages than taking a bus.
考生中用过去时写作与他们教材课文体裁(大多为叙述文、说明文)和平时写作练习(大多写个人经历的故事)有关,也与他们过度概括有关,认为所有文章都用过去时。
例 3 a) There are so many countries using English that it had been regarded as an international language.
b) There are so many countries using English that it has been regarded as an international language.
在论述同一事情,即发生在同一时间里的事时,前后半句或相邻的几句在时态上要保持一致。
2.主语和谓语,名词和代词,以及人称是否保持一致
例 4 a) The eating habit of Chinese people have changed in the past decade.
b) The eating habit of Chinese people has changed in the past decade.
不管主语和谓语隔开多远,主语当中还有修饰成分,谓语要和真正的主语在数上保持一致。
例 5 a) Now fruits and vegetables can be seen everywhere when it is in season.
b) Now fruits and vegetables can be seen everywhere when they are in season.
例 6 a) I feel proud to come to our university.
b) I feel proud to come to this university
our和主语 I不一致,或把 our改成 my,或改成 this。而这里用 this 较妥。
3.修饰语是否放在正确的位置上
例 7 a) Without television, people can't get information which comes from other parts of the world immediately.
b) Without television, people can't immediately get information which comes from other parts of the world.
a) 句子,immediately 显然放错了位置。是“得到迅速从各地传来的消息”,还是“迅速得到从各地传来的消息”?意思含糊不清。
例 8 a) At the age of six, my father began to give me English lessons.
b) When I was five years old, my father began to give me English lessons.
a) 句子,At the age of six 放在这个位置上,变成了“我父亲六岁的时候”。改变说法,可以解决这个问题。
例 9 a) To improve one's writing skill. regular practice is necessary.
b) To improve one's writing skill, one must make regular practice.
不定式短语的逻辑主语决不是regular practice,为了把逻辑关系表达清楚,要么把不定式短语改成If one wants to improve his writing skill,要么把主句改成one must make regular practice.
4.表示相同的意思,是否用了平行语法结构
例 10 a) With the computer, one can do shopping, banking and read at home.
b) With the computer, one can do shopping, banking and reading at home.
can do shopping, banking and read at home, 用语法平行结构来衡量,用动词原形 read是不妥的,为了和 do shopping, do banking 保持结构上平行,接下来的一个内容要用do reading.
例 11 a) Nowadays, people not only eat enough food, but also eat better.
b) Nowadays, people not only eat more, but also eat better.
用 not only...but also, both...and, whether...or, either...or, as well as, along with等能连接两个成分的连词,前后两个成分在结构上要保持一致。用 eat enough food, eat better不如用 eat more, eat better,都用副词。
例 12 a) Participating in sports is good for our physical health, and through it we can also train our character.
b) Participating in sports is good for our physical health, and it is also beneficial to our character-training.
在说同样的事时,相邻的句子尽可能在语法结构上保持一致。
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