5 Keys to Understanding Why Your Life (probably) Sucks! #3

The outcome of Reason # 2 is that you become your ownworst enemy. That, in turn, leads on to Reason # 3 where

You place more value on doing than being

If you are at war with yourself, chances are you don'tlike yourself very much. How many other people who callyou to account, who expect more of you than what youachieve are on your best friends list? That fact is astrue in your relationship with yourself as it is in yourrelationships with other people.

The trouble is, you can distance yourself from others; youhave to live with yourself. So, one of the ways to cometo terms with that reality is to minimise the focus on whoyou are (which we have determined you don't really like)and increase the focus on what you do.

After all, you can't do much about who you are (or atleast so you think) but you can choose what it is you wantto do with your life.

There are lots of people who are playing the same game. How often after being introduced to someone does theconversation get around to what you do for a living. In answer to that question, depending on the situation, Ioften answer "breathe".

I get some very strange looks at times! I might thenfollow that up with a comment about who I am and how myunderstanding of myself finds expression in the type ofwork I do. If I meet with a glazed expression from theother person, (which happens much of the time) invariablythe conversation moves back into 'safe' territory until he(it's most often men who have that response) can find anreason to excuse himself and move to someone lesschallenging.

Ever so occasionally If find someone who respondspositively to my little joke and I have developed long andrespected friendships with many of those people.

What happens when someone asks you about your worksituation is they are looking for where to place you intheir hierarchical structure. And chances are, if you arenot where you would like to be in the world of "doing" you will make your employment out to be more than it reallyis.

For example you might say " I work in the movie industry"when you serve behind the counter at the local video hirestore.

On the other hand you'll find people who will say " I'mjust a ?.." usually followed by 'housewife' or 'mother' orsome equally significant role that forms the very backboneof our social fabric. Have you noticed though, that manywomen are now 'playing the game' and rather than a'housewife and mother' they have become the 'manager ofdomestic affairs for a small Business'.

Then, if you are retired, chances, are you are not justretired, but a "retired accountant" or "bank manager" orwhatever it was you did before you to the point where youwere told you were too old to work

And that, of course, is a large part of the problem. Whenyour worth is related to what you do, rather than who youare, it follows that when you no longer do anything (atleast anything considered productive) it follows you are nolonger worth anything.

For someone who achieves their sense of self worth fromdoing, retirement or retrenchment is a devastating blow. Yet no one, at least to my knowledge, in the wisdom thatcomes when dying has ever said "I wish I spent more time atthe office".

Isn't it interesting that those who are faced with ashortening of life, function from a totally different perspective from the rest of us. For those people, it isin 'being' that they find the meaning to life. It isrelationships they treasure the most.

Perhaps the saddest thing of all is that it often takessomething life a life shortening illness for people to findtrue perspective and genuine purpose in life.

Graham Hunt is the founder of Prentis Carpenter Center, an organisation established to resource an environment where those people who chose to do so could discover and work towards their potential. One way in which Graham is doing that is through his