BEC初级口语:成功的自我介绍
2010-08-04来源:和谐英语
下面的这一段文字的作者性格独立，特别深沉，而且事业成功，年纪偏大。他的PS的最后一段谈到自己的业余爱好：去深山老林去沉思。这样与全文塑造的形象是符合的。我比较反对在PS中每个方面都写一点，各个部分没有必然的联系。加入他说自己的爱好是蹦迪或是吃辣椒，与全文就不统一了。
I do not really have a whole lot of hobbies. Apart from reading books and listening to my friends relate their experiences, I enjoy traveling on my own. While I always emphasize the importance of teamwork in the office, I like traveling on my own so that it is easier for me to seek a personal connection with nature. As I savor natures grandeur and my own seclusion in it, the natural world often endows me with new vision and fresh insights.
许多同学喜欢泛泛地谈在他的领域中中国落后于先进国家，所以他要去留学，以后报效祖国。人人都这么说，成了老生常谈。下面的这段话有点心意，关键在于有点具体的内容。
The Global Village would not come about even if all humans shared a common language. It will come true when capital and goods can move freely across borders. For that to happen, accounting procedures and financial statement must be unified around the world. China, a country with immense production power and market potential, will have to significantly upgrade its financial reporting system to take advantage of WTO. At present, financial statements show a high degree of inconsistency in Chinese corporations. Among millions of people who work as accountants, only approximately two hundred thousand have had professional training. The number of these people with an intimate understanding of international financial standards is even smaller.
这位同学谈的是为什么要去学教育，原因也很具体。如果要谈留学的动机，就一定要有具体的原因。如果只有“获得更多的知识”，或是“为了祖国更富强”等等空洞的口号，就不要写。
My experience as a master’s student of linguistics has given me a good insight into the processes of language learning and teaching, particularly the teaching of English to Chinese learners. When it comes to my English teaching work, my theoretical knowledge of and enthusiasm for languages have both been great aids, helping me develop strategies to improve my methodologies. However, I feel there is a great deal more I need to learn to ensure my approach is centered on effective language learning in the classroom, as opposed to language teaching, which is the more traditional practice in China. The desire to acquire advanced educational concepts has motivated my application to study Teaching of English as a Second Language at your university. What I would learn from you would allow me to contribute to the introduction of better teaching practices in a country where 130 million people are learning English.
I was introduced to issues related to language learning and teaching in my graduate degree of Applied Linguistics. What particularly fascinated me was the student-centered teaching principle, and I recognized that it was the key to bridging the gap between students’ needs and teachers’ needs. Currently, the system of teaching English in China meets the needs of teachers and examiners, but rarely students. Classes are teacher-centered and textbook content is usually decades old. Teachers prepare not according to student needs but their own preparation needs and to satisfy the requirements of examiners. This leads many students to drop English classes as soon as they pass the College English Test Band 4, the basic level English proficiency test that is required for graduation.
下面这段话谈的也是留学的动机，可信，感人：
My mother has played a significant part in shaping up my personality and career ambitions. When I was three years old, my mother decided to pursue a university education in order to advance her career. After strenuous efforts, she successfully passed the gruesome university entrance examination and got enrolled at the prestigious Harbin Institute of Technology, one of China’s best engineering schools. This is not a small feat, given the fact that only 4% of all Chinese high school students have the opportunity to receive university education and there are no special programs for adult students.
North Eastern China forms the backbone China’s state-run heavy industries that helped transform China from an agrarian nation to an industrial powerhouse. As the economic reform deepens, these enterprises, plagued by rigid organization, overstaffing and reactive and dependency mindset, are unable to compete in the market. There have been massive layoffs as a result. Almost everyone in my city has felt the pain. My mother has generously helped those who are less fortunate. For years, my mother helped our neighbor, a laid-off employee from her company, to sell Tofu in the street, so that this person can go home to cook for her child. The temperature often plunges to minus 25 Celsius in Harbin but my mother, although over 50 years old, is not daunted. She stomped her feet to keep warm while shouting to attract passers-by.
My mother is very worried about the heavy losses in the state-run enterprises and the wellbeing of laid-off workers. She said that she herself was only a technical expert and could do very little to help these hapless people. When she was young, China was in a centrally planned economy and no one had ever thought about management problems. She has done her best to meet the demands of her era. Now she has high hopes on me, her only child, to achieve greater accomplishment by helping the once mighty state-owned enterprises.
从修改中看写作原则
1. 语言要能够支持内容，括号中是可以替换的词。
原稿：
In 1991 I took part in a project that nearly copied a milling machine design made by German with CAD technology twenty years before. Staring at the Germany blueprints, I realized the technical gaps between the world (world’s) leading countries and my country vividly. This experience directly spurred my incipient interest in the research on Mechanical Engineering. Then I started the long path of strenuous pursuance¡
改后稿：
While I was still as freshman in 1991, I took part in a project in which a milling machine design done by Germans with CAD technology twenty years before was closely duplicated. Staring at the German blueprints, I was struck dumbfounded by the technological gap between the world's leading industrial countries (nations, industrial powers) and my motherland. That experience has been goading me to delve deeper and deeper into research of Mechanical Engineering ever since. I felt then that it was my responsibility to help close the gap. (Over seven years has passed, and I am glad to say that I have done my share to my country's technological progress in my field. But to actually help put my country at a technological par with that of the West, I must receive advanced education in a Western university. For that, I am now applying for Ph.D. studies in your distinguished program.)
2. 不要用激励美国教授来开头。
原稿：
I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving: To reach the port of heaven, we must s" sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it-but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor." I read those words said by Oliver Wendell Holmes two years ago, (irrelevant) From then on, I cherished them in my heart as my motto. I think it is the result of my continuing sailing in the sea of knowledge that I can apply to the Department of Economics of the world-famous University of with full confidence.
改后稿：
Improved: A top student of international finance at the XXX University, probably China's best institution of higher learning, I would like to scale higher intellectual heights by undertaking advanced studies in your Master’s program. Such studies will help me fulfill a dream that I have inherited from my parents: the eradication of poverty in China.
I do not really have a whole lot of hobbies. Apart from reading books and listening to my friends relate their experiences, I enjoy traveling on my own. While I always emphasize the importance of teamwork in the office, I like traveling on my own so that it is easier for me to seek a personal connection with nature. As I savor natures grandeur and my own seclusion in it, the natural world often endows me with new vision and fresh insights.
许多同学喜欢泛泛地谈在他的领域中中国落后于先进国家，所以他要去留学，以后报效祖国。人人都这么说，成了老生常谈。下面的这段话有点心意，关键在于有点具体的内容。
The Global Village would not come about even if all humans shared a common language. It will come true when capital and goods can move freely across borders. For that to happen, accounting procedures and financial statement must be unified around the world. China, a country with immense production power and market potential, will have to significantly upgrade its financial reporting system to take advantage of WTO. At present, financial statements show a high degree of inconsistency in Chinese corporations. Among millions of people who work as accountants, only approximately two hundred thousand have had professional training. The number of these people with an intimate understanding of international financial standards is even smaller.
这位同学谈的是为什么要去学教育，原因也很具体。如果要谈留学的动机，就一定要有具体的原因。如果只有“获得更多的知识”，或是“为了祖国更富强”等等空洞的口号，就不要写。
My experience as a master’s student of linguistics has given me a good insight into the processes of language learning and teaching, particularly the teaching of English to Chinese learners. When it comes to my English teaching work, my theoretical knowledge of and enthusiasm for languages have both been great aids, helping me develop strategies to improve my methodologies. However, I feel there is a great deal more I need to learn to ensure my approach is centered on effective language learning in the classroom, as opposed to language teaching, which is the more traditional practice in China. The desire to acquire advanced educational concepts has motivated my application to study Teaching of English as a Second Language at your university. What I would learn from you would allow me to contribute to the introduction of better teaching practices in a country where 130 million people are learning English.
I was introduced to issues related to language learning and teaching in my graduate degree of Applied Linguistics. What particularly fascinated me was the student-centered teaching principle, and I recognized that it was the key to bridging the gap between students’ needs and teachers’ needs. Currently, the system of teaching English in China meets the needs of teachers and examiners, but rarely students. Classes are teacher-centered and textbook content is usually decades old. Teachers prepare not according to student needs but their own preparation needs and to satisfy the requirements of examiners. This leads many students to drop English classes as soon as they pass the College English Test Band 4, the basic level English proficiency test that is required for graduation.
下面这段话谈的也是留学的动机，可信，感人：
My mother has played a significant part in shaping up my personality and career ambitions. When I was three years old, my mother decided to pursue a university education in order to advance her career. After strenuous efforts, she successfully passed the gruesome university entrance examination and got enrolled at the prestigious Harbin Institute of Technology, one of China’s best engineering schools. This is not a small feat, given the fact that only 4% of all Chinese high school students have the opportunity to receive university education and there are no special programs for adult students.
North Eastern China forms the backbone China’s state-run heavy industries that helped transform China from an agrarian nation to an industrial powerhouse. As the economic reform deepens, these enterprises, plagued by rigid organization, overstaffing and reactive and dependency mindset, are unable to compete in the market. There have been massive layoffs as a result. Almost everyone in my city has felt the pain. My mother has generously helped those who are less fortunate. For years, my mother helped our neighbor, a laid-off employee from her company, to sell Tofu in the street, so that this person can go home to cook for her child. The temperature often plunges to minus 25 Celsius in Harbin but my mother, although over 50 years old, is not daunted. She stomped her feet to keep warm while shouting to attract passers-by.
My mother is very worried about the heavy losses in the state-run enterprises and the wellbeing of laid-off workers. She said that she herself was only a technical expert and could do very little to help these hapless people. When she was young, China was in a centrally planned economy and no one had ever thought about management problems. She has done her best to meet the demands of her era. Now she has high hopes on me, her only child, to achieve greater accomplishment by helping the once mighty state-owned enterprises.
从修改中看写作原则
1. 语言要能够支持内容，括号中是可以替换的词。
原稿：
In 1991 I took part in a project that nearly copied a milling machine design made by German with CAD technology twenty years before. Staring at the Germany blueprints, I realized the technical gaps between the world (world’s) leading countries and my country vividly. This experience directly spurred my incipient interest in the research on Mechanical Engineering. Then I started the long path of strenuous pursuance¡
改后稿：
While I was still as freshman in 1991, I took part in a project in which a milling machine design done by Germans with CAD technology twenty years before was closely duplicated. Staring at the German blueprints, I was struck dumbfounded by the technological gap between the world's leading industrial countries (nations, industrial powers) and my motherland. That experience has been goading me to delve deeper and deeper into research of Mechanical Engineering ever since. I felt then that it was my responsibility to help close the gap. (Over seven years has passed, and I am glad to say that I have done my share to my country's technological progress in my field. But to actually help put my country at a technological par with that of the West, I must receive advanced education in a Western university. For that, I am now applying for Ph.D. studies in your distinguished program.)
2. 不要用激励美国教授来开头。
原稿：
I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving: To reach the port of heaven, we must s" sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it-but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor." I read those words said by Oliver Wendell Holmes two years ago, (irrelevant) From then on, I cherished them in my heart as my motto. I think it is the result of my continuing sailing in the sea of knowledge that I can apply to the Department of Economics of the world-famous University of with full confidence.
改后稿：
Improved: A top student of international finance at the XXX University, probably China's best institution of higher learning, I would like to scale higher intellectual heights by undertaking advanced studies in your Master’s program. Such studies will help me fulfill a dream that I have inherited from my parents: the eradication of poverty in China.
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