剩女,你还在期待浪漫的爱情吗?

It is not just feminism that has betrayed women by telling them they could have it all, said Gottlieb: every book, film and television show that perpetuates the myth of combining romantic love with a happy-ever-after ending – from Jane Austen to Friends – has done women a great and dangerous disservice.

Gottlieb说，告诉女人她们可以拥有一切，这么背叛她们的不只是女权主义者，每一本书、每部电影和电视剧——从简·奥斯汀到老友记都表现了浪漫爱情和永远幸福的结尾组合在一起的神话，而这个神话的永垂不久给女人帮了一个巨大又危险的倒忙。

"We're conditioned to crave that Big Love. It's painful how pervasive the fantasy is that The One is out there," she said. "We grew up idealising marriage, but if we'd had a more realistic understanding of its cold, hard benefits, we might have done things differently. So we walked away from uninspiring relationships that might have made us happy."

“我们被决定去追求伟大的爱情。人生中的唯一就在某个地方，这种神话如此普遍，这令人非常痛苦，”她说，“我们长大了把婚姻理想化了，但是如果我们事先拥有的是对婚姻那种冷冰冰的、艰难的东西有更现实的理解的话，我们会走上完全不同的道路。结果我们放弃了哪些让人不太感兴趣的关系，那本来会让我们幸福的。”

She even claims that settling for Mr Second Best could make women happier in the long run. "When we're holding out for romantic love, we have the fantasy that this level of passionate intensity will make us happier," she writes. "But marry­ing Mr Good Enough might be equally viable, especially if you're looking for a reliable life companion.

她甚至说，找个第二选择结婚从长久来看会让女人更幸福。“当我们坚持寻找浪漫爱情的时候，我们会有幻觉这种热情和激情会让我们更幸福，”她写道。“但是嫁给一个足够好的人也是可行的，尤其是你在寻找一生的伴侣的时候。”

"What makes for a good marriage isn't necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane and often boring non-profit business. And I mean this in a good way."

“一段好的婚姻并不需要一段浪漫的关系，婚姻并不是激情的聚会，婚姻是合伙运营一个非常小的、世俗的、通常很乏味又不盈利的公司。我这么说是好意。”

But fellow author Elizabeth Gilbert believes that women are wrong to believe marriage will make them happy. In her new book, Committed: A Sceptic Makes Peace with Marriage, she writes: "We marry most often because we are in love and we think it will make us happy. Yet married women are more likely to suffer from depression than are single women.

但是作家Elizabeth Gilbert认为女人觉得婚姻会让她们幸福就是错的。在她的新书中，她写道“我们结婚通常都是因为我们恋爱了，我们觉得结婚会让我们幸福。然而结了婚的女人比起单身女人来说更容易陷入绝望。”

"Married women are not as successful in their careers as single women."

“已婚女性在职场上没有单身女性那么成功。”

She adds: "The fact is women generally lose in the exchange of vows."

她说：“事实是，在交换誓言的时候女性通常就是输的一方。”

小编：对待婚姻，虽然不能随意而为，不过也不能太苛求完美，毕竟人说，骑着白马的不都是王子，还有唐僧。