面对控制欲很强的人你如何说不

　　No. It’s one of the shortest words in the English vocabulary, but it’s also one of the most difficult for many of us to say。

　　NO(不)，这个词可谓是英文中最短的单词之一了。但要说出一个“不”字，对很多人来说却大有难度。

　　We all know that setting limits will lower our stress level and save our sanity, but sometimes we are caught off guard by people who simply won’t take no for an answer. Read on to learn how to put your foot down with these master manipulators。

　　我们都明白，为自己的承受力设限可以降低压力，让自己保持清醒。但有时，一些人并不准备从你那里得到否定答案，你在这些人面前完全没有防备之力。阅读以下的内容，可以知道如何在这些超有控制欲的人面前保持立场。

　　The Flatterer

　　拍马屁的人

　　Whether it’s the friend who tells you how smart you are and how much she’d appreciate your help on a volunteer project she’s working on, or the school mom who insists that the students will be so disappointed if you don’t make your special cupcakes for the class holiday party, the flatterer plays to your vanity by making you feel indispensable。

　　你的朋友或许会夸奖你有多聪明，并声称如果你帮她完成一个志愿项目的话，她会心怀感激；老师或许会说如果你不为班级的周末派对做蛋糕的话，学生们会十分失望。不管何种情形，拍马屁的人会以迎合你的虚荣心的方式，让你觉得自己无可替代。

　　Reality check: If you want to help out because it gives you pleasure, fine, but no one is irreplaceable. “If it’s not brain surgery, others can do it—maybe not with your pizzazz, but it will get done and the cosmos will not explode in the process,” says Susan Newman, PhD, author of The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It—and Mean It and Stop People- Pleasing Forever。

　　审视现实：如果你因为可以从中得到快乐而答应帮忙，这当然无可厚非。但你必须知道，没有人无可替代。“又不是动脑手术，其他人也能做--或许别人没你那么活力四射，但事情还是能完成，并且这个过程中，宇宙也不会爆炸”着有《250种方法说“不”》的苏珊·纽曼博士如是说，“别老是想着讨好别人。”

　　Your response: Turn the tables—flattery goes both ways. Instead of giving in, put the ball in the flatterer’s court. Say something like, “You’re such a fabulous baker—I could give you the recipe! Why don’t you try your hand at it; I’m sure the kids would love it。”

　　你的应对：扭转局势--反拍马屁。你无需放弃，你可以将选择权发配给对方，比如你可以说：“你最面包真的很棒，我给你食谱吧！你或许可以自己试试做面包哦。我想孩子们会喜欢的。”

　　The Guiltmeister

　　内疚制造者

　　Your mother insists that you never call—never meaning your three calls a week aren’t enough. Or your friend sighs that you seem to have time for everyone but her—and does it while the two of you are together having lunch。

　　你的妈妈或许执意认为你从来不给她打电话—即便你一周打3次，在她眼中却是不够的。或者你明明和朋友正在共用午餐，他却感叹说你总是抽不出时间陪她。

　　Reality check: Step back and get perspective. If it were a perfect stranger in your position, what would you think? If your grown kids behaved this way toward you, how would you feel? Ask a friend for some insight. If it seems like a bigger minefield than you know how to handle, consider talking to a psychotherapist to help you sort it out。

　　审视现实：抽身出来，稍作观察。如果一个陌生人身处你的境况，你会作何感想？如果你已成年的孩子这样对你，你作何感想？你可以想一个朋友讨教下。如果你觉得自己无法处理，可以考虑咨询一下心理医生，为你理清思绪。

　　Your response: “You can’t do enough for some people, so don’t try,” says Dr. Newman. Arguing is futile—you’ll never win—so just calmly tell the other person how it’s going to be. “Mom, I’d rather we didn’t have this same argument over and over. If we can’t talk about something else, let’s hang up and call back when we can。” Or tell your “neglected” friend, “I’m sorry you feel this way, but I try to see you as much as I can。”

　　你的反应：“你为他人做事情永远没有底线，所以不要试图这样做”纽曼博士说。辩解是无济于事的，你没有任何胜算。你只需心平气和地高度对方应该如何做。“妈妈，我不想和你一直就这个问题做无休止的争论。如何我们没有其他事情可谈，那就先挂了电话，等找到其他话题了，再继续吧” 或者告诉你那“被抛弃”的朋友：“很抱歉你会这么想，但是我已经努力尽可能多的与你见面了。”