面对控制欲很强的人你如何说不

　　破坏者

　　You’re committed to losing those excess pounds, but every time you go out with a certain friend, she tries to get you to order dessert. “Just this one time can’t hurt!” she says. “But you can’t come and not have the chocolate cake!” The saboteur tries to validate her choices by making you behave as she does。

　　你下定决心要减肥，可每次你和某位朋友出去吃饭，她总是试图让你点甜点。“就这吃一次嘛，不要紧的啦”她会这样说。“你不可能就这样来了，连巧克力蛋糕都不吃一块吧！”破坏者总是把她的选择强加到你的身上。

　　Reality check: Be a leader, not a follower, and think about how angry you’ll be when the number on the scale climbs after all that hard work. “Saying no is not about selfishness but about self-respect. You’re standing up for what is right for you,” says William Ury, PhD, cofounder of Harvard University’s Program on Negotiation。

　　审视现实： 你要做自己的主人，而不是随波逐流。想一下，当你在诸多减肥努力下，还是看到体重秤上的数字有了攀升，会有多么地懊恼啊。“学会说不并不是自私，而是自重。你在坚持做正确的事情”哈佛大学谈判项目共同创办人威廉·尤里博士如是说。

　　Your response: Stand firm, and then redirect the conversation. You don’t need a lot of excuses or explanations. “No, thank you. Tea is just fine for me. Are you going to watch American Idol this season? I wonder how the new hosts will be。”

　　你的反应：保持自己的立场，重新控制谈话的方向。你不需要很多借口或解释。“不用了，谢谢。我喝茶就可以。你会看这一季的《美国偶像》吗？我在想谁会是这一季的主持人呢”

　　The Whiner

　　抱怨者

　　Every time your coworker receives a difficult assignment, she starts in on how unfair it all is, that she’s the one who always gets the hard stuff. She keeps going until you finally offer to help just to make her stop complaining。

　　每次你都同事接到一个艰巨的任务，她就开始抱怨不公平，说自己总是接到难题。她一直哀诉抱怨，直到你为了让她停止抱怨，主动去帮她的忙。

　　Reality check: Even if she has a point—your boss does give her more difficult work—this has nothing to do with you. It’s between her and the boss, and it’s up to her to deal with it。

　　审视现实：即使她确有她的理由--老板确实给了她更多艰巨的任务--这与你没有丝毫关系。这事儿关乎她和领导，需要她自己去解决。

　　Your response: Cut her off at the pass before she really gets rolling. “You know, you may have a point. This does seem to be a pattern. Why don’t you set up a meeting with the department head to see if you can sort this out?”

　　你的回应：在她开始滔滔不绝前中断她的抱怨。“你或许有你的观点，这或许就是现实情况。不然你和部门领导谈一谈，看看能不能解决问题呢？”

　　The Bully

　　霸道者

　　Bullying among grownups is more common than you may think. A 2007 study of nearly 8,000 working adults conducted by the Workplace Bullying Institute found that 37 percent of workers had been bullied. Adult bullying can take many forms, but the bully always uses his anger and intimidating demeanor to get you to do more than you want。

　　成人世界的威慑远比你想象地多。2007年，职场霸凌与创伤机构基于对近8000名成年工作者进行的调查，发现职场中有37%的人曾经被威慑。成年人之间的威慑形式多样。通常情况下，霸道者利用自身的怒气和吓人的行为，让你做一些本不想做的事儿。

　　Reality check: No matter what you have done or not done, no one deserves to be treated disrespectfully or in a threatening manner。

　　审视现实：不管你做了什么，或者没有做什么，你不应该被如此无礼对待，也不应被威慑恐吓。

　　Your response: A bully wants to get under your skin, so don’t let him see you sweat. Don’t respond in anger (he feeds on negative emotions) and don’t allow yourself to be browbeaten into doing something you don’t want to do. “A calm, quiet, firm, neutral voice is more powerful than a loud no. It conveys more self-control and strength,” says Dr. Ury. “Speak assertively and be very clear about what you want to happen. Say, ‘I don’t appreciate being treated this way. Come back when you calm down,’ or ‘I think I’ve made myself clear—I won’t discuss it anymore.’”

　　你的回应：霸道者想要惹怒你，你不要让他看到自己的懦弱。不要恶言相向(他通常会越挫越勇)，不要因为恐吓而做自己不想做的事儿。“用一种沉着、冷静、坚定而中立的声音去回应，比大声说“不”要来得更有力。这传达了你所拥有的的克制和力量，”尤里博士如是说，“我不喜欢这样被威胁。还是等你冷静了再来找我吧。”或者你可以说：“我想我已经表明了自己的想法，我不想再说了。”