你不会聊天：10个常见的对话错误

“No man is an island.”
“没有人是一座孤岛。”

Indeed, people are relationship-driven creatures. We are present in this world in order to relate to others and establish a solid community. It goes without saying that we need to communicate with each other in order to fulfill this purpose, though.
的确，人类是人际关系型的生物。我们存在于这个世界，就是为了和他人交往，并建立起一个可靠的群体。而毫无疑问，我们需要彼此交流才能实现这个目标。

It is our responsibility to engage our colleagues in a nourishing and productive conversation. Through good communication, romantic relationships, business partnerships and even product selling have all been implemented. Good communication skills are the foundation of a long-lasting relationship. How can you develop them? You can start by omitting these ten most common mistakes in a conversation from your communication bank:
我们有责任把我们的同伴吸引到一场内容丰富且富有成效的对话中来。通过好的交流，我们可以确立恋爱关系，建立商务合作，甚至可以推销产品。好的交流技巧是一段长期持久的关系的基础。那你应该如何培养这种技巧呢？我们可以首先把这10个聊天中常犯的错误清除掉。

1. Do you speak quickly?
你的语速是否过快？

You’re in a brand new situation with a person you’ve just met, so it’s understandable that you became nervous. Since you didn’t have enough time to compose yourself, you blabbered and spoke too much and too fast. Because of this, the person you’re talking to wasn’t able to understand any word you’ve said.
你面对的是一个刚刚认识的人，这是一种全新的场面，所以你感觉紧张也是可以理解的。因为你没有足够的时间来组织语言，你开始喋喋不休，说话太多而且太快。这样，跟你交谈的人就没有办法理解你所说的任何一个字。

Solution: Nervousness brings about the common mistakes in a conversation, so to combat this, just breathe deeply and smile. Assume that the person you’re talking to is interested in what you have to say. Put some pauses in your statements.
解决办法：紧张会让我们在聊天中常常犯错，为了克服这一点，请深呼吸，并且微笑。假设和你聊天的这个人对你所说的内容很感兴趣。在讲话当中加入一些停顿。

2. Do you ask too many questions?
你的问题是否太多？

The conversation sounds like a police interrogation with you asking too many questions and your partner scrambles to answer all of them. As a result, connection is made and no relationship is built.
如果你问的问题太多，而和你聊天的人仓促作答，这种聊天听上去就好像警察在审问。结果是你们虽然在聊天，但没有建立起任何关系。

Solution: Follow this structure:
解决办法：按照这个结构来：

a. Ask a general question.
问一个一般性的问题。

b. Consider his answer.
考虑他的回答。

c. Give feedback about his answer and then answer the question you’ve asked.
针对他的回答做出回应，然后回答你提出的这个问题。

d. Wait for him to respond. If he replies with a question, good. If he replies with a statement, repeat what he said and wait for him to elaborate.
等待他的回应。如果他用一个问题作为回应，很好。如果他用一段陈述作为回应，重复他所说的，然后等待他详细解释。

3. Are your statements scripted?
你讲话是不是像念稿子？

You’re going to make a sale, so you memorized your company’s sales script, even though your conversation partner isn’t really reacting based on what you’ve memorized. Confusion arises.
你要去推销某样东西，所以你背下了公司的销售文稿，尽管听你讲话的人对你所说的并没有做出真正的回应。你会感到很困惑。

Solution: Focus on building trust first. You can never seal a deal if your prospect doesn’t really trust you.
解决办法：首先专注于建立信任。如果你的客户不能真正信任你，你不可能卖出任何东西。

4. Do you hog the spotlight?
你是否霸占了聊天的焦点？

You walk way too much: about yourself, your job, your dreams and frustrations. Pretty soon, the person you’re talking too feels like he just attended a whole-day seminar about you.
你讲了太多东西，关于你自己、你的工作、你的梦想和困惑。很快，和你聊天的人就会感觉他好像只是来出席了一场关于你的全天候讲座。

Solution: Ask for your partner’s opinion.
解决办法： 询问伙伴的意见。

- “My favorite topic is about personal finance. How about you?”
比如“我最爱的话题是关于个人财务。你呢？”

5. Is your objective missing?
你是否失去了谈话的目标？

You discuss bland topics and end the conversation with no real outcome. Were you supposed to build trust? Preempt a sale? Invite a prospect? No-one knows!
你讨论的话题寡淡无趣，最后聊天结束了也没有真正的结果。你是否本来计划着建立信任？搞定一单买卖？邀请一位朋友？结果没有人知道。

Solution: Adult communication isn’t superficial—it exists to fulfill a purpose. What type of purpose? Define this first before entering a conversation.
解决办法：成年人的交流并不是肤浅的，而是为了实现一项目标。什么类型的目标呢？在开始聊天之前就要确定这一点。