尝试开辟新沟通方式: 给家人写年终评估报告

A friend I've known for 20 years was habitually late-really late-to our dinners. Over dinner a couple of years ago, I told her I was giving our friendship a year-end review. She laughed and I started, 'You have always been there for me, and I trust you completely as a friend. I also trust that you're going to be at least a half-hour late every time we meet.' She nodded, smiled and took the comments in the spirit they were given. And she's never been late again.
一位我认识了20年的朋友在参加我们晚宴时又一次习惯性迟到，而且是非常迟。在几年前的晚宴上，我跟她说我要对我们的友谊做一次年终评估。她笑了，然后我开始做评估了：“你对我来说一直是有求必应，我也完全相信你这个朋友。我同样相信的是，每次见面你至少要迟到半个小时。”她点头微笑，领会了这些话的意识。后来她再也没有迟到过。

Not everyone is as open to being reviewed. My advice: Know your audience and your boundaries. Drinks with a friend turned into an impromptu, year-end intervention for one woman I know. After a positive start, the 'reviewer' launched into a critique of the friend's boyfriend, citing unsolicited 'areas for improvement,' and encouraged her friend to end the relationship. The friendship never recovered. Some feedback is better left unsaid.
也不是每个人都乐于接受评估。我的建议是，了解说话对象，把握好尺度。我认识的一位女性跟一位朋友喝酒聊天，结果年终评估变成了一时兴起的指手划脚。“评估者”以正面的谈话开始，然后又对这位朋友的男友作了一番批评，自作主张地说起“待改进之处”，并鼓励她的朋友结束与男友的关系。她们的友谊再也没有恢复。有些反馈还是不说为妙。

In a controversial move, my husband took the initiative last year to write up a review of my mother. That's right, a review of his mother-in-law. He handed her an envelope on Christmas morning with the words 'Year-End Review' plastered in bold across the front. Pale-faced, she opened it-and then started to smile as she read her glowing reviews as a mother and grandmother. Scanning to the bottom, she found an area for improvement: Meatball production down from peak in 2010.
去年我丈夫主动给我母亲写起评估报告来，一时引起大家的争议。没错，是对他丈母娘的评估。他在 诞节的早晨递给她一个信封，信封正面用粗体涂上“年终评估”几个字。脸色苍白的母亲打开了信封，读到对其母亲、外婆角色的溢美之辞时开始微笑起来。扫到底部的时候，她看到了一个待改进之处：肉丸子产量低于2010年时的峰值了。

The review worked. We now always have a freezer full of meatballs.
这份评估报告见效了。我们现在总是有满冰箱的肉丸。