职场越来越像高中 如何让自己在职场更受欢迎

But coaches say that likability can be taught. 'Likability isn't something you are born with, like charisma. It's something you can learn, ' says Ben Decker, chief executive officer of Decker Communications, San Francisco, a training and consulting firm.
不过，培训师称讨人喜欢的能力是可以教授的。旧金山培训与咨询公司Decker Communications的首席执行长本·戴克尔(Ben Decker)说：“讨人喜欢的能力并非天生的品质，就像感召力一样。它是你能学会的东西。”

The 'big three' behaviors most important to a speaker's likability are making eye contact by looking into the camera, smiling naturally when you talk and varying your tone of voice to convey warmth and enthusiasm, Mr. Decker says. To show the importance of nonverbal cues, he has clients role-play on video the first few minutes of an imaginary conversation with a client -- then watch themselves with the sound off.
戴克尔指出，讲话者若要讨人喜欢，最重要的“三大”举动是要看着摄像头进行眼神交流，在讲话时自然地微笑以及变化语调来表达亲切感与热情。为了展现非言语信号的重要性，戴克尔让培训学员在视频中进行角色扮演，假装正与客户展开头几分钟的谈话——然后关掉声音让他们观看自己在视频中的表现。

Mr. Decker also urges clients to 'really think about the listener' and figure out goals he or she might share with you. The ability to find common ground with others is a cornerstone of likability.
戴克尔还主张客户要“好好想想听众这方面”，弄清楚他们可能有什么目标是与你一致的。找到与他人的共同之处的能力是讨人喜欢的基础。

Melissa Temple-Agosta has her salespeople take Decker training partly so they learn to come across as warm and engaging in training videos. Many were likable in person, but 'when you put them in front of a camera, they froze, ' says Ms. Temple-Agosta, assistant vice president, education and training, for Urban Decay Cosmetics, Newport Beach, Calif., a division of L'Oreal. Employees learn to think less about their appearance and more about how to forge a connection with listeners.
梅利莎·坦普尔-阿戈斯塔(Melissa Temple-Agosta)为欧莱雅(L'Oreal)旗下加州纽波特比奇(Newport Beach)化妆品公司Urban Decay Cosmetics负责教育与培训业务的助理副总裁。她派出了公司的销售人员接受戴克尔的培训，部分原因是为了让他们在培训视频中表现出亲切和迷人的形象。她说，很多人在面对面沟通时很讨人喜欢，但是“当你把他们拉到摄像机面前时，他们就变呆了”。员工们还学会了减少对外表的关注，转而更多地思考如何与听众建立联系。

Senior executives at Charles Schwab & Co. take the training partly because 'making sure you come across as authentic and as someone who can be trusted becomes more important' when speaking to large groups on video or webcasts, says Jay L. Allen, executive vice president, human resources, for the San Francisco-based financial services firm. Managers also learn to speak with more enthusiasm on video, varying their tone, Mr. Allen says.
模仿|模仿你谈话对象的表情或姿势，以此营造出一种亲切感。

It is important to get to the point quickly on video, because viewers' attention span is short, Mr. Sanders says. Research shows that watching people on video imposes mental demands, called 'cognitive load' by scientists, that make it harder to avoid distractions and process what is said.
旧金山金融服务公司嘉信理财公司(Charles Schwab &Co.)的人力资源执行副总裁杰伊·L.艾伦(Jay L. Allen)称，该公司的高管之所以接受培训，部分原因在于在视频或网络直播中向一大群人讲话时，“保证你表现出真诚和值得信赖的形象变得越发地重要了”。他说，管理者还学会了在视频中讲话时表现得更热情，变化他们的语调。

Mr. Sanders suggests paying special attention to others' facial expressions in videoconferences, stopping the conversation to acknowledge their feelings if necessary. Empathizing with others' feelings creates a sense of connection.
桑德斯指出，在视频中讲话很重要的一点是迅速切入重点，因为观众的注意力持续时间很短。研究表明通过视频看人会给心理方面提出要求，这被科学家们称为“认知负荷”，它会使避免走神和处理讲话者的说话内容变得更难。

A common mistake people make on video is to play the comedian. Mr. Sanders says: 'If you insist on poking fun at someone, it has to be you.'
桑德斯建议，在视频会议中要特别注意别人的面部表情，如果有必要的话，要停止谈话来认可他们的感受。体恤他人的感受会营造一种心灵相通感。