9个特征让你成为真正自信的人

First things first: Confidence is not bravado, or swagger, or an overt pretense of bravery. Confidence is not some bold or brash air of self-belief directed at others.
首先要澄清的是：自信不是虚张声势，不是吹牛，也不是明显伪装勇敢。自信不是针对他人某种大胆、傲慢的自我肯定。

Confidence is quiet: It’s a natural expression of ability, expertise, and self-regard.
自信是寂静的：它是一种对能力、专业知识和自我认同的自然表达。

I’m fortunate to know a number of truly confident people. Many work with me at HubSpot, others are fellow founders of their own startups some of whom I've met through my angel investment activity. But the majority are people I’ve met through my career and who work in a variety of industries and professions.
我很幸运地认识一些真正自信的人。很多和我一起在HubSpot工作。其它人是自主创业人士。我在天使投资活动中认识了他们。但是大部分是我在职业中认识的人，从事各种各样的行业。

It comes as no surprise they all share a number of qualities:
令人惊讶的是，他们都有这这样一些特质。

1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong
1. 不是因为认为自己永远正确他们才表明立场，而是因为他们不害怕犯错。

Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right – and they want (actually they need) you to know it too.
自大逞能的人习惯先选择立场，然后宣告、夸口，完全忽视其他不同的观点。他们觉得自己是正确的——而且他们想要（实际上是他们需要）让你也知道这一点。

Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully.
他们的行为不是自信的象征。而是智力上霸凌的象征。

Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously.
真正自信的人不在意被人指出错误。他们觉得找出什么才是正确的比保持正确更重要。当他们犯错的时候，他们一定会做出让步。

Truly confident people often admit they’re wrong or don’t have all the answers; intellectual bullies never do.
真正自信的人总会承认他们错了，或者是他们也不知道。知识恶霸从不会这样做。

2. They listen ten times more than they speak.
2. 他们听比说得多。

Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think.
夸夸其谈是为了掩饰没有安全感。真正自信的人是安静、谦逊的。他们已经了解了自己的想法；他们想要知道的是你的想法。

So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like about it, what you learned from it… and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.
所以他们会问一些开放式的问题，让其他人能够表现出他们的想法和反思。他们会问你做了什么，你是怎么做到的，你喜欢这件事哪一点，你从中学到了什么……要是他们处在相同情况下应该怎么做。

Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more… and they know the only way to learn more is to listen more.
真正自信的人明白他们知道很多，但是他们希望能够知道更多……而且他们知道唯一能够学习更多的方式就是多倾听。

3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.
3. 他们避免站在聚光灯下，把机会让给其他人。

Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of disparate individuals into an incredibly high performance team.
也许他们确实做了大部分工作。也许他们确实克服了绝大多数障碍。也是他们确实让一群不相干的个体变成了一个表现好得令人难以置信的团队。

Truly confident people don’t care – at least they don’t show it. (Inside they’re proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved.
但真正自信的人不会在意——至少他们不会表现出来。（在心里他们很骄傲，他们也应该骄傲。）真正自信的人不需要荣誉；他们知道他们已经做到了。

They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.
他们不需要他人的认可。因为真正的认可来自内心。

So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They stand back and let others shine – a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.
所以，他们退后，通过别人庆祝自己的成就。他们对后，让别人发光——这是一种帮助别人同样变得自信的自信心。

4. They freely ask for help.
4. 他们也要求帮助。

Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; implicit in the request is a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.
很多人觉得求助是软弱的象征，在这一要求中暗示了知识、技能或是经验的缺失。

Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment.
自信的人会承认自己的弱点。所以他们经常向别人求助，不仅仅是因为他们有信心承认他们需要帮助，也因为他们知道当他们寻求帮助的时候，这对他们所求助的人意味着真正的赞美。

Saying, “Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and judgment. Otherwise you wouldn't ask.
问出“你能帮帮我吗？”表明对他的专业性和判断力的极大的尊敬。不然的话你是不会问的。