学会接受生命中的各种可能

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Support for NPR comes from prudential retirement, sponsor of "This I believe". Prudential believes every worker can achieve a more secure retirement, prudential retirement where believes matter.

I believe in mystery. I believe in family. I believe in being who I am. I believe in the power of failure. And I believe normal life is extraordinary. This I believe.

Our "This I believe" essay today was sending to us by Dr. Donald Rosenstein. He's the clinical director of the National Institute of Mental Health in Washington D.C. His expertise is psychiatric care of the mentally ill. Here's our series curator--independent producer Jay Ellison.

Donald Rosenstein told us after hearing our series on the air, he had been thinking about what he might write and then he woke up in the middle of the night and the essay just poured out of them. His belief he found resides at the intersection of his professional and personal life. Here's Dr. Donald Rosenstein with his essay for "This I believe".

I believe in adaptation, that is, the same stimulus does not invariably elicit the same response over time. The first time I saw my son flap his arms, I nearly threw up. My son Koby was two at the time and he and my wife and I were at an evening luau in Hawaii. Dancers emerged from the dark, tooling torches to loud rhythmic drum beats. I thought it was exciting and so did Koby. He began to flap his arms, slowly at first, and then with an intensity that mirrored the movement of the dancers. In an instant, I was overwhelmed, I knew just enough about arm flapping to know that it was characteristic of autism. I was confused, panic and strangely preoccupied with the fear that I would never play tennis with my son as I had with my father. That one movement took on an immediate, powerful and symbolic meaning-- something was terribly wrong with my boy.

Koby is 16 years old now, he lost his language, developed apoplexy and he struggled profoundly. We've all struggled, including Koby's little sister Emma. But we've also adapted. Koby still flaps his arms and he's got the thick, muscular upper body one would expect after 14 years of isometric exercise. He's a sweet and beautiful boy and together we've been on a journey into frightening and unknown territory. Like any fellow travelers we've learned from each other and grown. Koby's arm flapping means something different to me now. It means that he's interested, tuned in and present in the moment.
 

That Koby has autism is old news at this point. We've grieved, survived and adapted. We've learned to be more patient to celebrate more modest victories and to connect with Koby whenever and however we can. Now when Koby flaps, I'm happy for him and what it means about his engagement not sickened by what it might mean for his and our futures. Same stimulus, different response.

I believe that this lesson in adaptation has been one of Koby's greatest gifts to me, to our whole family. I've seen it as Emma’s embarrassment over her brother's condition has faded and been replaced with compassion for those who struggle. And I've seen the influence of Koby's lessen on my own work, helping patients cope with illness and tragedy in their lives, like my patient who can finally celebrate her father's memory after years of debilitating grief that came with every anniversary of his death.

Last summer, Koby had a delirious romp in the ocean alongside Emma. Koby flapped his arms wildly in anticipation of each coming wave. Not quite the family beach day we had once envisioned, but a spectacular moment nonetheless. Old heartbreak, new appreciation.

I believe that reframing a problem can help to overcome it. But adaptation is not the same as becoming tolerant of or new to something. Adaptation allows for creative possibilities. Koby has adapted to us and we to him, and through this process our family has discovered deep and meaningful connections with each other. Connections we never thought possible.

Dr. Donald Rosenstein with his essay for "This I believe". Rosenstein said that before he adapted to his son's illness, he wouldn't always know how to respond when his very sick patients would tell him "I just don't know what to do". Now his answer is "You do the best you can!"

We hope you’ll visit NPR.org slash “this I believe” and consider submitting your own essay to our series. For this I believe, I'm Jay Ellison.

Jay Ellison is co-editor with Dan Gediman, John Gregory and Viki Merrick of the book "This I believe", the personal philosophies of remarkable men and women.

Support for "This I believe" comes from prudential retirement.
注释：
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elicit vt.得出, 引出, 抽出, 引起
luau n. (常伴有文娱节目的)夏威夷式宴会
autism n.[心]自我中心主义, 孤独症
apoplexy n.[医]中风
isometric adj.【生理学】 等长收缩肌肉的：肌肉的长度在有阻力情况下进行收缩时保持不变的
 debilitate vt.使衰弱, 使虚弱
 delirious adj.神志昏迷的, 不省人事的, 发狂的
envision vt.想象, 预想
 reframe vt.再构造, 再组织