仁慈是一种礼物

Grace Is a Gift

The writer Flanorio Cornor once said that people resist grace because grace changes us and the change is painful. This I believe essayist Laura Durham couldn't disagree more. She says that she does her best to be gracious to others and to accept their graciousness in return. It's a lesson she learned in elementary school through the kindness of a teacher.

It doesn't always make sense to me, but when ambiguities such as grace and love manifest themselves, I moved by the clarity they bring. The spring, I was in the 3rd grade, my teacher planned activities to celebrate the season. For weeks, I looked forward to making treats and dying eggs. I remember telling my mom how much fun it was going to be and I imagined what colors and designs I would choose. Before the big day, my teacher told us to come to class on Friday with a hollowed out egg, we were also told to bring our spelling test signed by a parent, and if we didn't, the teacher warned we would sit out from the activities.

At 9 years old, I was the perfect student, I was studious, I was obedient and I was responsible. So when I forgot to bring that spelling test Friday, I was devastated. I knew what the consequence would be, when my class jumped from their chairs to collect our supplies, I sat still in my desk, examining my perfect hollowed out egg, fighting the inevitable tears. It wasn't long before my teacher pulled me aside, she knelt down and told me I should join the rest of class. With tears in her eyes, she told me I could bring my spelling test on Monday. And then she gave me a hug. I couldn't believe it. My disappointness disappeared with this unexpected gift.

20 years later, I still remember this moment, even though I fell short of what was required of me. My teacher graced me with love and understanding. She could have stood her ground and let me sit out as an example to the other students, but she knew punishing me for this small mistake wouldn't teach me a new lesson.

The lesson I learned that day was how much grace can lift someone's spirit, yet I seemed to have a hard time grasping grace in my life. I sometime subscribed the idea of Karma. What goes around comes around. But then I remember balancing a behavioral checkbook is detrimental to my happiness. If I'm constantly keeping count of what I feel I'm entitled to, I may never be satisfied. If I'm blessed beyond what I deserve, I might never feel worthy. I must remind myself that I know better not everyone is punished for breaking the rules, just like that not everyone is rewarded for their efforts. Life may not be fair, but when I think about it, more often than not, I'm on the fortunate side of the imbalance, and this moves me to offer the same grace to others. I believe in being gracious to others and I believe in accepting others' graciousness whether I've earned it or not.  Sometimes you're blessed simply because someone loves you, not like grace is a gift, not a reward.

Laura Durham grew up in a musical household and she now sings with the Utah chamber artists and works for the Utah acts council in Saltlake city. Her essay was produced by John Gregary and Dan Gadman. Next week we'll hear from an Indian graduate student who used her grandmother's old garments to create a quote. If you'd like to write an essay about the core belief that guides your life and submit it to our series, go to the website: thisibelieve.org.