圣诞将至，你了解哪些圣诞密语？

They say: “Darling, your Nativity Play was a triumph. I’m so proud.”

英国人说：“亲爱的，你的圣诞表演真是太成功了。我真为你骄傲。”

They mean: “I spent the entire shambolic production seething that you weren’t one of the leads and shall be having a stern word with your teacher. Also, I couldn’t tell which sheep you were.”

他们的意思是：“整个乱糟糟的演出期间我都在恼火为什么你没能演个主角，我打算和你的老师好好谈谈。另外，我看不出你扮演的是哪只羊。”

“Pop round anytime.”

“欢迎随时过来。”

“Preferably text first so we can make up an excuse.”

“最好来之前能发个短信，这样我们才好编个理由（不让你来）。”

“So what are your Christmas plans?”/“All ready for Christmas?”

“你圣诞有什么安排？”/“圣诞节的一切都准备好了吗？”

“I can’t think of anything else to say and this is December’s equivalent of weather smalltalk. Please keep the answer mercifully brief because I’m not actually interested.”

“我想不出还有什么别的话可说，十二月份谈这个就像聊天气一样。麻烦你长话短说，因为我并不是真的感兴趣。”

“What’s this we’re watching?”

“我们在看的这是什么节目？”

“I hate it when you Philistines are in charge of the remote.”

“我讨厌你们这些俗人掌握遥控器。”

“Town was a nightmare. The shops were rammed.”

“城里就是场恶梦。商店里都是人挤人。”

“I snuck off to the pub.”

“我溜去酒吧了。”

“Well done, children. The Christmas tree looks gorgeous.”

“做得好，孩子们。这棵圣诞树看起来美极了。”

“It’s a total mess which offends my eyes. I’ll redecorate it when you go to bed.”

“这堆垃圾让我无法直视。等你们睡觉后我会重新装饰。”

“Secret Santa’s just a bit of fun.”

“神秘圣诞老人游戏挺有趣的。”

“It’s no fun whatsoever. We only persist with this lame, universally loathed tradition for fear of being called a killjoy if we stop.”

“真是无聊至极。我们之所以还延续这个大家都厌恶的蹩脚传统是害怕被人说我们扫兴。”

“Merry Christmas to you and yours.”

“祝你和你的家人圣诞快乐。”

“I can’t remember your family’s names. Or indeed, whether you even have a family. Ah, well. Sue me.”

“我记不住你家人的名字。事实上，我连你有没有成家也不清楚。随便了。你不爽我也无所谓。”

“Of course! The more the merrier.”

“当然了！人越多越开心。”

“Please don’t come.”

“请不要来。”

“I’ve kept the receipt, just in case.”

“我留着收据，以防万一。”

“If you don’t love this gift and wear it immediately, I’m going to be mortally offended.”

“如果你不喜欢这个礼物，没有马上穿上它，我将会非常生气。”

“That’s so thoughtful. It’s exactly what I wanted.”

“你想的真是周到。这正是我想要的。”

“I hate it, I’m having trouble arranging my face into an approximation of gratitude and everyone can tell I’m lying.”

“我讨厌这个礼物，我正在努力挤出感恩的表情，但每个人都看得出我在撒谎。”

“Shall we play a board game?”

“我们要不要下一盘棋？”

“Shall we have a blazing family argument?”

“我们要不要来一场激烈的家庭争论？”

“Christmas is about the kids really, isn’t it?”

“圣诞节就是围着孩子转的，不是吗？”

“Can’t stand the spoilt, entitled little brats. Pass the brandy.”

“受不了这些被宠坏的自以为是的小屁孩。把白兰地递给我。”

“You look festive.”

“你看起来很有节日气息。”

“You look drunk.”

“你看起来喝得很醉。”

“I couldn’t eat another thing.”

“我再也吃不下了。”

“Oh go on, then. I could just about squeeze in a turkey-and-a-stuffing sandwich, cheese and biscuits, two mince pies and several dozen Quality Street.”

“继续上菜吧。我还能吃下一个火鸡填料三明治、奶酪饼干、两个肉馅饼和几条花街巧克力。”

“Lunch might be a little later than planned.”

“午饭可能比计划的要晚一点。”

“The turkey won’t cook and I’m having a nervous breakdown.”

“我已经精神崩溃了，火鸡也不能帮我做饭。”

“Where’s your Christmas spirit?”

“你的圣诞精神到哪去了？”

“I’m a tedious kidult who gets over-excited about Christmas (probably over-compensating for some long-buried childhood trauma) and insists on enforced jollity.”

“我是个对圣诞节过度兴奋的乏味的超龄儿童（很可能是要补偿我埋藏许久的一些童年创伤），我坚持圣诞节一定要兴高采烈地度过。”

“Have a good one.”

“过个好节。”

“I don’t know who you are. Go away.”

“我不认识你是谁。走开。”

“I’m hoping for a White Christmas. It’s so magical.”

“我希望能拥有白色圣诞。太梦幻了。”

“Snow’s a colossal pain in the backside but I’m trying to sound romantic.”

“下雪天非常让人讨厌，但是我想显得自己浪漫一点。”

“Of course we’re going to church. It’s important at this time of year.”

“我们当然要去教堂。这在一年中的这个时候是很重要的事。”

“I don’t want to go either but Mum will get upset if we don’t.”

“我也不想去，但是如果我们不去，妈妈会难过的。”

“That’s perfect, thank you. Looks delicious.”

“很完美，谢谢你。看起来好美味。”

“Too many sprouts, not enough pigs-in-blankets, but better be polite.”

“蔬菜太多肉太少，但是还是礼貌一些的好。”

“Look what they got me!”

“看看他们给我送了什么！”

“You think of something nice to say, because I can’t.”

“你帮我想出一些好听的话吧，因为我想不出来。”

“I’ve got an upset tummy from all the rich food.”

“我肚子不舒服，因为吃得太油腻了。”

“I’ve got an upset tummy from all the binge-drinking.”

“我肚子不舒服，因为酒喝得太凶了。”

“Thought I might go out for a walk.”

“我想我也许应该出去走走。”

“If I have to stay cooped up in the house with my relatives for one minute longer, I’m going to commit a hate crime.”

“如果我和我的亲戚们再多待一分钟，我就要因为仇恨而犯罪了。”