老友记第九季mp3和剧本下载907:The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song

The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song

SCENE:
Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is playing with Emma on the couch after just changing her diaper.
Ross: And that's why, no matter what mommy says, we really were on a break. (baby talk.) Yes we were! Yes we were! (picks Emma up.) Come here gorgeous. (puts her on his knees and talks to her.) Oh! Look at you! You are the cutest little baby ever! You're just a... a little bitty baby, you know that? But you've got... (in a softer voice.) You've got big beautiful eyes... Yes you do... and a... and a big round belly. (emphasises the B's.) Big baby butt! I like big butts. (raps.) I like big butts and I cannot lie / you other brothers can't deny / when a girl walks in with an itty, bitty, waist / and a round thing in your face you get...(Emma laughs.) Oh my God, Emma... you're laughing! Oh my God, you've never done that before, have you? You never done that before... Daddy made you laugh, huh? Well, daddy and Sir Mix Alot... What? What? You... you wanna hear some more? Uhm...(raps.) My anaconda don't want none / unless you got buns hon... (Emma laughs again and Ross looks worried.) I'm a terrible father!

OPENING CREDITS
SCENE:
Central Perk. Joey sits at a table and Chandler and Monica enter.
Chandler: Hi!

Joey: Hey... hey listen... What do you guys know about investments?

Chandler: How come?

Joey: Well, I'm starting to make good money on the show and I'm thinking... I should probably do something with it.

Monica: What do you do with your money now?

Joey: Well, I just tape it to the back of my toilet tank. (realises that anyone could have overheard that.) I didn't say that! It's in a bank guarded by robots!

Chandler: Do you have any ideas?

Joey: Uh, yeah... This guy at work got me excited about going in on an emu famp3. That'd be kinda cool huh? Pitching in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus...

Monica: Joe... Emus are birds. You raise them for meat.

Joey:(laughs.) Yeah! Right! (points at Monica.) People eat birds... Bird meat... Now do they just fly into your mouth or you go to... you go to a restaurant and you say: "Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird. " (laughs again.) Or... or maybe just a wing or... (realises....)

Monica: Joey, I think you should consider something a little less risky. I mean, I think in this market, real estate is your best investment. The Fed just lowered the rates and the interest on your mortgage is totally deductible. (looks at Chandler.) That's right, I know some stuff!

Joey: Real estate, huh? Hmmm...

Monica:(very excited.) Oh, and you know who's selling a great apartment? Richard!

Chandler:(imitating Monica.) Oh, and you know whose knowledge of her ex-boyfriend is shocking? Monica!

Monica: My dad told me. They play golf together.

Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe I'll join them some time. I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand and beat the moustache off his face.

SCENE:
Monica and Chandler's apartment. Rachel and Monica are sitting at the dinner table and Phoebe enters, knocking on the door.
Phoebe: Hi!

Rachel and Monica: Hey!

Phoebe: Listen! You have to help me pick a dress 'cause I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight! (Rachel gasps.)

Monica: Wow, the boyfriend's parents! That's a big step.

Phoebe:(sarcastically.) Really? That hadn't occurred to me.

Monica: They just gonna love you, just be yourself.

Phoebe: They live on the upper east side on Park Avenue!

Rachel: Oh yeah, she can't be herself.

Phoebe: Okay, so... all right... Which dress? (she holds up two 'Phoebe' dresses, Rachel and Monica look at them... taking their time, don't wanting to hurt Phoebe.) You can say "neither".

Rachel and Monica: Oh God, neither!

Monica: I'm sorry honey, but we're gonna take you shoppi