艾伦秀第159期:和一些男生约会

So that's what happened. You Google me. It's me.And I heard... I look like her, actually.

这真发生了 你用谷歌就能搜到 然后我听说... 实际上我长得像她

I look like her as if she was stun by a million bees.It's true!

像她被一百万只蜜蜂叮了一样 这是真的

I look like her as if she were becoming the hulk. That's...

她变成绿巨人 我才能像她

And you know, she wanted to be friends, and I'm like "I can't". 

她想和我做朋友 我觉得不行啊

I can't. She... We don't have... We are not the same thing.

怎么可以呢 我们都没有... 我们都不是一个世界的人

Like, she was telling me hot people problems, 

她和我说靓男靓女的烦恼

you know. She's like "He won't stop calling" and I'm like "Uh-hum, I hate that".

她说"他老是给我打电话" 我觉得 真讨厌

Do we eat popcorn like that though?Are you a popcorn lover? Yeah, I do. 

大家是那么吃爆米花吧 你喜欢吃爆米花吗 当然 挺喜欢的

And I eat it exactly like that. Right?

我也那样吃的 是吗

Yeah. That's why I am so annoyed. So, I'm single again. 

没错 这就是为什么很生气 我又单身了

So when I have to start dating some guy,

我得和一些男生约会

and we go to movies and he'll be like "Do you wanna get popcorn?" I have to be like, 

我们去看电影的时候 他就会问 "想来点爆米花吗" 我不得不说

"Oh, I haven't even thought about it."

"我都没想到呢"

He's like "What size?" And I'm like,Humm, small, look at me.And...Right, like small popcorn...

他问 你想吃多少 然后我就回答 小杯吧 看人家的小腰身 然后 好吧 那小杯的爆米花

That's like taking one add veal, like "Get out of here".

就那么一点点 滚远点好吗

I wanna a truck.And I wanna dump my head in it. 

我想要一卡车爆米花 然后把头埋进去

And, and then, you know,I'll be pretending not to think about the popcorn. - Hilarious. 

然后 我假装不想爆米花的事 真好笑

So when you say you are gonna start dating again,that means you're... Are you dating at all?

你说你会再次约会 所以说 你在约会吗

No, I am...Well, I know everyone here is like "How do we date you?"

不 我...我知道这所有人都在想 "我们怎么才能和你约会"

Thank you. Um,you can't.And not just because I'm totally out of woods with this UTI I have right now. 

谢谢你们 你们并不可以 不只因为我泌尿道感染 现在还没好

But also...But also... Thank you.Oh, my god.

而且 而且 谢谢你们 天哪