Reframing Rejection

So people will reject us no matter how good we look, no matterhow successful we are, and no matter how giving we are. If wewere to become even nicer, and even more spiritually aware theywould still reject us so it is a pointless battle trying to winover everyone.

However we can change how we think about rejection. If we changethe meaning of rejection it can become our ally instead of ourenemy. Next time someone rejects you why not take it as feedbackinstead. That is, your approach did not work and you need to trya new approach. In sales, the salesperson must view rejection asfeedback or else she will slowly go insane!

So let us view rejection as feedback. When you are rejectedimmediately set your mind the task of intelligently answeringthis question - how must I change my approach to get what I want?By doing this, you shift your attention back to what you can doand off the other person whose approval is theirs to give or notto give.

Let us take the example of asking someone to help you with aproject at work, you are afraid to ask for help so when you do,your coworker can almost smell this fear of rejection coming fromyou. So he says No, he is far to busy to help you today. Nowimmediately ask yourself the feedback reframe question - how mustI change my approach to get what I want?

Asking this question will give you an unlimited range of newaproaches to use: maybe smile more, or bribe him with a softdrink, or perhaps offer to do some of his boring work in returnfor help.

It also helps to anticipate rejection before it has a chance tohappen. In the case of the example above, before talking to thecolleague I would spend a few minutes in preparation runningthrough possible ways he might reject me. For each possiblesituation, just keep asking yourself - how must I change myapproach to get what I want?

You may not realize, most people just give up too easilybecause rejection feels so unpleasant. If you reframe rejectionto mean feedback it becomes a mental puzzle to solve instead.You will then be able to endure the word *No* a lot longer. Thisendurance will also encourage others to let you have what youwant because you just do not seem to take No for an answer!

****Warning: maintain rapport at all times when you use thisapproach, this new found courage and tenacity is onlyappreciated by others if you use it with a win-win outlook.****

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert and published author.Subscribe FREE to his upbeat newsletter and get a FREE e-book,which reveals secret strategies for supercharging yourcommunication skills. To join send an email to: AbolishShynessToday-subscribe@topica.com
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