名师点评网友BEC初级作文(2)

本期作文题目：
Formulate a smoking policy for your office which is fair to both smokers and nonsmokers. Write a 40-50 word memo informing all staff of the policy.

提示：
我们需要确定，如果我是公司职员，我要在这篇memo中获得什么信息?是不是要知道：
1.新的吸烟政策从什么时候开始;
2.吸烟区划定在什么地方?

网友作文一：
TO: All Employees
FROM: CEO, Willan Smith
SUBJECT: NEW SMOKING POLICY
For all the employees, especially smokers,[1] plz be aware that our company's new smoking policy has been formulated as follow: A main smoking area's going to be restricted before Next MONDAY[2], anyone is not allowed to smoker in non-smoking zone even in the washing room.[3]
Plz target the smoking and non-smoking area and stick to the company's new policy.[4]
Thx.

名师指导：
[1]去掉，抬头已经写过给所有的员工，所以直接从正文开始就行了，费这个事干什么?
[2]时间不确切，最好是 from next Monday. Before 这个期限是什么时候?如果不能给出确切信息，就不要说，还不如换成具体的吸烟区域更好: be restricted to the room next to the toilet.
[3]你经常在洗手间吸烟吗?或者你们公司有这样的同事?把这句话去掉。
[4]添加：to ensure that it is fair to all of you.