女性依然难以逆袭 印度容不下剩女

For many young people, India is a land of opportunity. Male or female, if you're well educated and resourceful there's the chance of a well-paid career. Just one problem, says Suruchi Sharma - if you're a woman, you must marry by your mid-20s."Single? Why, what's your age?""28"
对许多年轻人来说，印度是一个充满机会的国度。无论男女，只要接受过高等教育，能随机应变，就有机会获得高薪工作。只有一个问题，Suruchi Sharma说，女性必须在25岁左右结婚。“没结婚？为什么？你多大了？”“28。”

"Okay, that's too bad. How are you managing it? Couldn't find anyone?"Welcome to the conversation that a single woman in India, in her late 20s faces, almost all the time. Yes, it's a big deal if you're 28 and unmarried. You're looked upon as a big failure. I am serious.I live in Mumbai, the biggest metro city in India. I belong to a typical urban middle-class family. My life is same as that of many young women who move away from home and pursue their dream of an independent life.How does it feel to be living in the city on my own? It's awesome! I'm independent with a lifestyle I used to dream of. Indian women are getting the chance to grow, to prove their worth and shine. We struggle with gender bias at every step of the ladder, but we find a way out and advance.But there is one pressure that just refuses to leave us alone, a question that follows us everywhere: "What are your marriage plans?" In India, a girl's identity revolves around her marriage. As children, we are all raised to understand that we must d up with the right partner, and must go to a nice family as a daughter-in-law.Even today, arranged marriage is normal in India. Parents find you a suitable match and you get married. In some cases the bride and groom don't have a say. In some cases they get to meet once or twice. In a few cases, they can take time to get to know each other and decide. In all cases, you are a part of a tradition where you have to try to like someone.
“这，这可不行，怎么回事？找不到对象吗？”欢迎加入印度28岁左右女性面临的无休止的谈话。是的，28岁，未婚，这可是一桩大事，在他人眼里，你是个不折不扣的失败者，我可没开玩笑。我住在印度最大的大都市孟买，出生于一个典型的城市中产阶级家庭。我和许多年轻女性一样，搬出父母的家，过着独立的生活，追逐着自己的梦想。独自一人住在大城市是什么感觉？棒极了！我很独立，过着曾经梦想过的生活。印度的女性正获得改善自己、证明自己的价值和散发光芒的机会。在抗议性别歧视的阶梯上，我们每向上爬一步都得奋力斗争，但我们找到了出路，不断地前进。可是还有一种赖着不走的压力，一个和我们如影随形的问题：“打算什么时候结婚啊？”在印度，女孩的生活围绕着结婚展开。从小到大，我们接受到的观念是我们一定得找到门当户对的另一半，找个好婆家。甚至是在现在的印度，包办婚姻还是常态。父母给你找个般配的对象，安排好婚事。有时，新娘新郎都没发言权；有时他们只见过一、两次面。他们很少有时间认识彼此，无法自己做出决定。不管怎样，你是包办婚姻传统的一部分，你必须试着喜欢上某个人。

Everything we learn is taught to us bearing in mind our future role as a wife and daughter-in-law. We learn how to cook, how to do household chores, to behave ourselves and maintain the right image. The moment the "image" part gets problematic, our prospects of getting decent grooms are affected.If you look at any matrimonial website (a common trend in India these days) you will find the terms "family-oriented", "homely", "not too much into career" - these are the qualities in a bride people most often look for.Everyone wants a wife who will be a home-maker first and a career woman second. Every family wants a daughter-in-law who will respect elders, and give up on her career the moment other more important things like her husband's transfer, children, and other emergencies pop up.To be an ideal woman in a man's life, you must have the best education possible, a pretty face, and a sound career and yet be willing to put it all on the back burner.The reason I am single is quite simple - I have yet to come across my Mr Right.
我们学到的一切都告诉我们要铭记我们未来的身份是妻子和儿媳。我们学会做饭、做家务，举止要得体，形象要合宜。一旦“形象”出了问题，我们找到好夫君的可能性就会降低。点开任意一个婚介网站（在印度，最近婚介网站是大势所趋），你会发现诸如“以家庭为重”、“顾家”、“对事业不太热心”等要求，人们往往希望新娘具备上述品质。大家都希望讨个把家庭放在第一位，事业放在第二位的妻子。每个男方家庭都希望有一个尊敬老人的儿媳，一旦出现其他更重要的事，如丈夫工作上的调动、孩子或其他紧急情况，儿媳会放弃自己的事业。要成为男人生活中的完美女人，你必须接受过最好的教育，相貌出众，事业有成，并且愿意把事业放在次要位置。我至今单身的原因很简单——我还没遇到我的白马王子。

I might sound like a person who is against marriage. I am not. I love the idea of being married. I believe in this institution and I look forward to being married one day to the right guy. This is where the problem starts, with that phrase "the right guy".At 28, ideally I would have been married for a couple of years.By Indian standards, I've left it late and I am probably at the bottom of the pyramid of eligible women. But I still don't find the idea of "settling for" someone appealing.Everyone reminds me how I should make compromises and lower my expectations. As long as the man has decent looks and a respectable career and family background I shouldn't complain.
你看我的文章也许会觉得我反对婚姻，其实不然。我喜欢结婚这种想法，我相信婚姻制度，我渴望有一天嫁给对的人。问题就出在这——“对的人”。我今年28岁了，理想的情景是我已经结婚多年了。按照印度本地的标准，我已经是剩女了，很可能处在适婚女子金字塔的最底层；不过我并不认同“找个一起过日子的人算了”这种观点。所有的人都提醒我，我应该做出妥协，降低期望。只要对方长相得体、工作体面、家庭背景不错就行了，我不该发什么牢骚。我可不这么看，也许身边的每个人都跟我说他和我是天生一对，但我觉得做决定的人是我自己。