如今的孩子被保护得过头了

A few weeks ago I left my 9-year-old daughter home alone for the first time. It did not go as planned.

几周之前，我第一次把9岁大的女儿独自一人丢在家里。这完全不在计划之内。

That’s because I had no plan. My daughter was sick. My husband was out of town. And I needed to head to the drugstore—a five-minute walk away—to get some medicine for her. So I made sure my daughter knew where to find our rarely used landline phone, quizzed her on my cellphone number and instructed her not to open the front door for anyone. Then I left. Twenty minutes later I was back home. Both of us were a bit rattled by the experience—her first time completely alone, with no supervising adult!—but we were fine.

因为我当时完全乱了阵脚。那天女儿生病了，丈夫不在家，而我必须前往药店——单程需步行约五分钟——给女儿买药。所以我先告诉女儿怎样找到家里几乎没怎么用过的固定电话，测试了一下她知不知道我的手机号码，再告诫她任何人来了都不要打开前门。然后我转身离去，20分钟后我回到家里。这段经历让我和女儿两人都感到有些忐忑——这是她第一次完完全全一个人在家，没有成人监护！——不过，一切安好。

I had been postponing this moment of independence for my daughter for months, held back by worry over the potential catastrophes. But I know that this way of thinking is part of a larger social problem. Many have lamented the fact that children have less independence and autonomy today than they did a few generations ago. Fewer children are walking to school on their own, riding their bicycles around neighborhoods or going on errands for their parents.

在此之前，由于担心可能发生意外，我将女儿的这一独立时刻推延了数月之久。不过，我深知这种思维方式的背后是一个更深层次的社会问题。许多人都在抱怨，和前几代相比，如今的孩子独立性和自主性明显不足。独自步行上学的孩子越来越少，在小区周边骑自行车或者为父母跑腿的孩子也越来越少。

There have been several high-profile cases of parents actually being charged with neglect for allowing their children to walk or play unsupervised. We’re now seeing a backlash to all this pressure for parental oversight: Earlier this year, the state of Utah enacted a new “free-range” parenting law that redefined neglect to specifically exclude things like letting a child play in a park or walk to a nearby store alone.

曾经有几个案件引发了社会的高度关注，起因是父母因疏忽大意让孩子单独外出或玩耍，最终遭到指控。而如今，向家长的监护义务施加如此重压的做法招致反对：今年早些时候，犹他州通过了一项新的“自由放养育儿法案”，对疏忽大意进行了重新定义，明确将诸如让孩子独自在公园玩耍或独自步行前往附近商店等行为排除在外。

Overzealous parenting can do real harm. Psychologists and educators see it as one factor fueling a surge in the number of children and young adults being diagnosed with anxiety disorders. According to a study published this year in the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, the number of children aged 6 to 17 whose parents said they were currently diagnosed with anxiety grew from 3.5% in 2007 to 4.1% in 2012. And in a 2017 survey of more than 31,000 college students by the American College Health Association, 21.6% reported that they had been diagnosed with or treated for anxiety problems during the previous year. That is up from 10.4% in a 2008 survey.

过度“温室化”的育儿方式可能造成伤害。心理学家和教育专家们认为，这一点正是美国被诊断为焦虑症的儿童及青少年人数激增的原因之一。根据今年在《发育与行为儿科学》期刊(Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics)发表的一项研究，根据父母提供的信息，目前6-17岁的美国儿童及青少年群体中被诊断为焦虑症的人数占比从2007年的3.5%增至了4.1%。在美国大学卫生协会(American College Health Association)2017年针对逾3.1万名大学生的一次调研中，21.6%的人表示自己过去一年曾被诊断为焦虑症或接受了焦虑问题相关的治疗。而2008年这一占比仅为10.4%。

It’s also never too early to start encouraging independence, says NYU Langone’s Dr. Berry. Children as young as 2 or 3 can start helping with chores, such as carrying a plate to the table and putting clothes in the hamper. Most 8-year-olds should be able to make scrambled eggs “with some gentle eyes on them,” while most 10-year-olds can handle a chef’s knife, she says. Parents first need to teach safe techniques, repeatedly, then assist with and monitor the activity before gradually “fading out.”

鼓励孩子独立，越早越好。纽约大学朗格儿童研究中心的贝里博士指出，2-3岁的孩子就可以开始帮父母做家务，如把盘子摆到桌上或者把衣服放到洗衣篮里。她称，大多数8岁大的孩子应该会做炒蛋了，父母只需在一旁稍加指导；而大多数10岁的孩子已经可以使用厨房用刀了。家长们首先必须反复教授安全技能，然后再协助或者在一旁监督整个过程，最后就可以逐渐“淡出”。