陈愉:30岁前别结婚

Female? Check.

Over the age of 27? Check!

Single…? All check!

Well, in that case, congrats– 'cause you officially win the title of being a "leftover woman", or widely known as "Sheng Nv"(剩女) in China.

In this society where women traditionally marry young and marriage is still commonly regarded as women's sole source of happiness and fulfilment, being a singleton around a certain age is undoubtedly stuck with stigma.

Joy Chen, a Chinese-American who got hitched at the late-blooming age of 38, is in shock by the prevalence of this social discrimination.

"This generation of women in China is the first generation in thousands of years in China that face so many choices. But meanwhile, there is still so much ancient pressure which is totally out-dated. I was talking to a young Chinese woman. She is now in her 27ish. She was very successful on her work and she had her own apartment in Beijing, which is a very expansive city. Something was wrong in her apartment so she invited her plumber over to fix it. And the plumber looked around and saw no signs of children and husband. And he said: 'You haven't got married yet?' And she felt that she has to apologize to him, like: 'haven't found Mr Right yet.' She told me that and I felt that is totally different from the experience of American woman."

Born in the United States to migrant parents, Joy Chen is undeniably a high-flyer and advocate of self-reliance. At age 31, she became the deputy mayor of Los Angeles. After years in public service, she has turned into an elite corporate headhunter who finds CEOs for global companies.

Yet recruiting top talents is not her sole job. As the number of Chinese students in America shoots up year by year, Chen has started a blog to provide advice for those young females on their career, relationships and personal development. The growing popularity of the blog has won attention of CITIC Press, a major publishing house in China, to accredit her to write a strategy book for Chinese women.

But the author emphasizes that the catchy title of her debut, Do Not Marry before Age 30, is not something that comes in a flash.

"A hundred years ago, the life expectancy of women in China was 35. So women were to take care of our biological standpoints. Our most important responsibility during our time on Earth was to create more Chinese people. But now, you and I may live to our hundreds! So judged on one fact alone, we have to totally change the way we look at our lives. The 20s has become a time of exploration, a time to explore careers, explore ideas, date around. Because now we have to find somebody not to stay with us for ten or twenty years, we have to find someone who can be by our sides for sixty or seventy years. That's a huge, totally new proposition. "

Containing snippets of personal experience, quotes of those who are famous and knowledgeable while infusing with hand-on tips, the self-help book, Do Not Marry before Age 30 acts as a guide for young ladies who are struggling or are rebuffed in both love and career. Stating in sheer frankness and honesty, the popular blogger tries to pour out her understanding on the crisis of the so-called leftover women, the universal sense of insecurity, and all those frustrating hang-ups in womanhood.

"So the first part of the book is 'become Ms Right'. But how to become Ms Right? Because I think a lot of women got a lot of encouraging messages, like: Go up there! Jia You! Ni Hen Bang! Like, you are awesome! Go for it! Act it, girl! But they don't really know specifically, in a very practical terms, how to put step-by-step forward. The second half of the book is, since I am the CEO headhunter for seven years, how to use CEO headhunting methods to hunt Mr Right. So again, I think what I really try to create is a book of very practical advice."

Practical it is.

Flipping through the pages, readers could learn how to find their respective A plus skills and land better jobs, why women should take heed of office romance and sugar daddies, and find out whether late childbirth could lead to Down Syndrome. By gushing over how to date and love, the author tries to emphasize that no matter you are within the institution of marriage or not, it is important for woman to understand the mind set of the opposite sex, although they are from Mars, another sphere from our home planet Venus.

"Men and women actually think differently. But understanding them better and understanding better how to communicate with them, we can be better people. You know, men are adorable in their own way. We can learn to love and enjoy their friendship. But we have to go out and spend time with them to do that."

Published in 2012, Do Not Marry before Age 30 had become a smash hit in China, as it points out that there is no magic number of one's marriage age while no deadend for singletons.

But girls, please be aware that life doesn't come with instructions. It's your life, you need to seize it.