爱情魔力背后隐藏的秘密

I would also like to tell the world that animals love. There's not an animal on this planet that will copulate with anything that comes along. Too old, too young, too scruffy, too stupid, and they won't do it. Unless you're stuck in a laboratory cage -- and you know, if you spend your entire life in a little box, you're not going to be as picky about who you have sex with -- but I've looked in a hundred species, and everywhere in the wild, animals have favorites. As a matter of fact ethologists know this. There's over eight words for what they call animal favoritism: selective proceptivity, mate choice, female choice, sexual choice. And indeed, there are three academic articles in which they've looked at this attraction, which may only last for a second, but it's a definite attraction, and either this same brain region, this reward system, or the chemicals of that reward system are involved. In fact, I think animal attraction can be instant -- you can see an elephant instantly go for another elephant. And I think that this is really the origins of what you and I call, "love at first sight."

我还想分享一下关于动物爱情的故事。 世界上任何一种动物 都不会饥不择食地寻找活物进行交配。 太老的、太年轻的、太脏的或是太蠢笨的，它们都不会选择。 除非你把它们关在实验室的笼子里-- 当然，如果你在笼子里度过一生， 也不会那么挑食了。 在调查了一百个物种后， 我发现野外的每一个角落，每一只动物都有各自的心之归属。 事实上，生态学家知道这些。 用四个词可以概括动物各自的偏爱： 选择性感知，配偶选择，雌性选择，性选择。 这儿有三篇学术文章 涉及到了这种吸引力。 虽然这种吸引力也许只维持一秒， 但它确实是存在的。 而且牵涉到大脑中到腹侧背盖区和奖赏系统 （更确切的说是奖赏系统中的相关化学物质）。 事实上，我相信动物间的吸引力是可以即刻产生的-- 我们能看到，大象有时会突然被另一头大象吸引。 我相信这就是我们所说的 "一见钟情"的源头。

People have often asked me whether what I know about love has spoiled it for me. And I just simply say, hardly. You can know every single ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake, and then when you sit down and eat that cake, you can still feel that joy. And certainly I make all the same mistakes that everybody else does too, but it's really deepened my understanding and compassion, really, for all human life. As a matter of fact, in New York I often catch myself looking in baby carriages and feeling a little sorry for the tot, and in fact sometimes I feel a little sorry for the chicken on my dinner plate, when I think of how intense this brain system is. Our newest experiment has been hatched by my colleague, Art Aron, putting people who are reporting that they are still in love, in a long-term relationship, into the functional MRI. We've put five people in so far, and indeed, we found exactly the same thing. They're not lying. The brain areas associated with intense romantic love, still become active, 25 years later.

人们常问我是不是 因为研究爱情太多而没了爱的兴致。 这基本是不可能的。 就如同在了解一块巧克力蛋糕中的所有成份后， 我仍然能够品味吃蛋糕的乐趣。 我也同样会犯大家都会犯的错，但这些经历加深了我的对爱情的理解， 并让我对所有人都更有爱心。 比如，我在纽约时， 常看着婴儿车里的小孩，并感到一丝同情。 有时，当想到大脑是多么富有感情，我会对餐桌上的鸡抱有歉意。 我们最近的实验由我的同事阿尔特.阿伦操作进行，内容是对长期相处后仍能够保持相恋的情侣们进行核磁共振测试。 至此，我们一共测试了5对这样的情侣，并发现了他们共同的特点。在他们相恋25年后，他们大脑中与热恋相关的区域仍然保持活跃。

There are still many questions to be answered and asked about romantic love. The question that I'm working on right this minute, and I'm only going to say it for a second and then end, is why do you fall in love with one person, rather than another? I never would have even thought to think of this, but Match.com, the internet dating site, came to me three years ago and asked me that question. And I said, I don't know. I know what happens in the brain, when you do become in love, but I don't know why you fall in love with one person rather than another. And so, I've spent the last three years on this. And there's many reasons that you fall in love with one person rather than another, that psychologists can tell you. And we tend to fall in love with somebody from the same socioeconomic background, the same general level of intelligence, the same general level of good looks, the same religious values. Your childhood certainly plays a role but nobody knows how. And that's about it, that's all they know. No, they've never found the way two personalities fit together to make a good relationship.

关于爱情还有很多未解开的迷。 现在我简短地说一下 我正研究问题： 为什么你会爱上他，而不是别人？ 原本我并没有想要去思考这个问题， 但在三年前，一个约会网站Match.com找到我，并问了我这个问题。 我只能说"我不知道"。 我所知道的是人们恋爱时，大脑中到底发生了什么， 但我却不知道 为什么他就是你命中注定的爱人。 所以，这三年我都在思考这个问题。 心理学家告诉我们 一定有很多原因使你爱上他，而不是另一个人。 我们会倾向于在同等的社会、经济背景， 同样智力水平，同等的相貌，以及相同的宗教信仰中找到自己的爱人。而童年的经历也会影响人们的爱情，但如何作用却无人知晓。 就是这些，心理学家知道的只有这些。 而且，他们不知道在良好的关系中，双方的人格是如何配合的。

So, it began to occur to me that maybe your biology pulls you towards some people rather than another. And I have concocted a questionnaire to see to what degree you express dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone. I think we've evolved four very broad personality types associated with the ratios of these four chemicals in the brain. And on this dating site that I have created, called Chemistry.com. I ask you first a series of questions to see to what degree you express these chemicals, and I'm watching who chooses who to love. And 3.7 million people have taken the questionnaire in America, about 600,000 people have taken it in 33 other countries. I'm putting the data together now, and at some point -- there will always be magic to love, but I think I will come closer to understanding why it is you can walk into a room and everybody is from your background, your same general level of intelligence, your same general level of good looks, and you don't feel pulled towards all of them. I think there's biology to that. I think we're going to end up in the next few years to understand all kinds of brain mechanisms that pull us to one person rather than another.

因此，我开始思考 为什么我们接近这一群人，而不是其他人， 这是不是有生物上的解释。 为此，我做了一份问卷调查， 以探明人们如何显现多巴胺、血清素、雌激素和睾丸激素的性状。 我相信这四种物质在大脑中的不同配比 让人类演化出了四种非常普遍的人格类型。 所以我在Mating.com上创建了一个子站：Chemistry.com。 第一部分的问题 用来确认上述四种物质在你的大脑中是如何显现性状的。 最后网站记录下是谁选择了谁。 总共有370万美国人和 60万来自其他33个国家的人做了这项测试。 我正在对测试数据进行整理。 一定程度上，爱情总是神秘的， 但我相信我会逐步接近问题的答案-- 当你走进一间房间时， 每一个人都是和你同样的背景， 你们处在同样的智力水平上， 你们有同等的相貌， 但为什么你不会被所有这些人所吸引？ 我认为这一定有生物学上的解释。 我想几年之内 我们就可以理解大脑 是如何让我们找到我们唯一爱的人。

So, I will close with this. These are my older people. Faulkner once said, "The past is not dead, it's not even the past." Indeed, we carry a lot of luggage from our yesteryear in the human brain. And so there's one thing that makes me pursue my understanding of human nature, and this reminds me of it. These are two women. Women tend to get intimacy differently than men do. Women get intimacy from-face to-face talking. We swivel towards each other, we do what we call the "anchoring gaze" and we talk. This is intimacy to women. I think it comes from millions of years of holding that baby in front of your face, cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words. Men tend to get intimacy from side-by-side doing, (Laughter) As soon as one guy looks up, the other guy will look away. (Laughter) I think it comes from millions of years of standing behind that -- sitting behind the bush, looking straight ahead, trying to hit that buffalo on the head with a rock. (Laughter) I think for millions of years men faced their enemies, they sat side by side with friends. So my final statement is: love is in us. It's deeply embedded in the brain. Our challenge is to understand each other. Thank you. (Applause)

那样，我就更接近答案了。 这是我的父母。 福克纳曾说过："过去未曾消逝， 它们还留在心中。" 确实是这样，我们把从过去带来的大量的行李 堆放在大脑中。 我心里总存在一种力量， 让我想要理解人性， 而这也让我想到了这幅照片。 这是两个女人。 女人们倾向于更亲昵的言行而不像男人们那样。 女人们从面对面的交谈中获得了亲切感， 我们转向对方， 并在交谈中注视着对方。 这就是女性相互理解的方式。 我想这是源于长久的进化岁月中， 女人总是把婴儿抱在面前， 哄他们、训诫他们、教导他们。 而男人们总是在侧坐的交谈中找到亲切感。 （笑） 当一个人看着对方时，另一个人会望向别处。 （笑） 我想这源自远古时期， 男人们藏在灌木丛中， 看着前方， 并想着用手中的石块砸向野牛的头。 （笑） 在数万年的人类历史中，男人们和朋友坐在一起， 一起面对共同敌人。 所以我的主张是：爱就在我们心中。 它深深地扎根在大脑中。 理解对方是我们所追求的目标。谢谢大家！ （掌声）